In one of the funniest scenes in the film The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Steve Carrell’s character is ready to pop his cherry with a woman he just recently met. His clumsy fails of trying to put on a condom creates a burst of laughter from viewers given his ignorance and awkwardness towards something modern society deems important.
The ideological status given to sex, particularly losing virginity, creates anxiety in young people, which leads to uncomfortable situations. But porn and sex advice from peers also generates a distorted perception of what really happens during sex.
The following are several mistakes guys make when their only source of sex comes from the internet. This is for the dudes that expect their first sexual encounter to look and feel like a fantasy scene from an adult film.
Their life will change
Hollywood teen flicks from the early two thousands gave audiences the idea that losing your virginity changes people’s lives, and that it should happen on graduation night, along with other exaggerated ideas. While it is a rite of passage and normal aspect of being a developing human, life goes on. Idealizing the first time you have sex can only lead to disappointment and wrong ideas about sexuality in general.
That it won’t be awkward
While there are cases where the chemistry between two people is so strong that the first encounter feels like the most natural thing, most of the time it will be a slightly uncomfortable and awkward situation. When at least one person is inexperienced makes for strange physical and verbal interactions trying to get there.
That they’ll make their partner climax
This is possible, with the right closeness and effort. But walking in with the idea of being an expert at making someone orgasm because of locker room advice is not enough. It’s better to think about both parties enjoying the moment. If it looks like it’s going to happen, then it’s time to focus and not lose courage.
Oral sex must be hardcore
This lesson has been propagated on the internet and into popular culture. The idea of an oral from a newbie should include crazy head and tongue movements should be sacked completely. Unless the other party agrees on this kind of rhythm, this can lead to an extremely uncomfortable encounter.
Quick penetration is key
First of all, no. It’s about enjoying the moment, not being in a hurry to get done with the whole thing as quickly as possible. First timers should take their time to get a grip of things, create connection, receive and give pleasure, and not speed things up.
That they should get a blow-job
There’s nothing more uncomfortable than someone slightly tilting their head as a suggestion for them to get oral sex. Sexual partners don’t owe each other anything, especially on the first encounter. This is another idea we should thank porn for. Despite it being a normal aspect of sex, it’s foolish to try and force it.
That every encounter is wild
Another myth propagated by porn. The madness between professional actors have tricked young people for generations into thinking that going in and pulling out ASAP is the best way to get an orgasm. It’s not. The body is a complex system, so the idea of quick and forceful being best is totally mistaken.
They’ll be a master of positions
Nobody is a Kamasutra master, unless they’ve actually had enough experience. Porn makes it look easy and enjoyable. Believing that, prior to any actual experience, watching porn is more than enough to know everything about sex is overestimating ourselves. If this is your first rodeo, go slowly and be mindful of your partner. It’s about enjoying instead of hitting marks.
That they’ll have loads of stamina
Again, this might be possible, but it’s better to keep it out of mind. The more likely scenario is that it won’t last that long. There’s nothing wrong with that. It should also be noted that trying to make it last more can be uncomfortable to some women. Focus on your partner instead.
She doesn’t need to be aroused
Typical teen cliché to think that sex is all about penetrating and pulling out. It’s also foolish and selfish to think women don’t need to be turned on to enjoy sex. Foreplay is key and can also provide a great first time.
Being a clueless virgin is not tragic. But when the time comes, it’s important to be patient when starting the game of sex. It’s important to not only be aware of birth control and STD prevention, but to also look into what actual coitus implies in order to have real expectations and a pleasurable experience.
Translated by María Suárez
