The more you know…the more likely you are to become a carbon copy of everyone else? Information is important. We need to learn how stuff works in order to know if we need to fix or switch things ups. But, what happens when it only leads you to stop trusting your instincts in favor of what the establishment believes is best. Whoever thought that in this day and age we’d have to answer to the sex police?
The term sexnology refers to that area of technology devoted to helping you get laid. This realm mostly exists in apps that not only suggest who to get down with but also offer tips on how to improve the experience. There’s been a recent rise in oral sex apps that test users on their skills and save their moves so that someone else can download them into their sex toy. This sounds very progressive and sex-positive, but in reality it’s also a little too much.
You have to ask yourself why are these apps gaining so much popularity? Is it because they don’t have time to go to the bar and pick someone up the old fashioned way? Is it more likely for them to carry their smartphone than a book on sex education? While, it’d be nice to think that this has to do with self-exploration, as well as construction of the sexual identity, the truth is that there is a lot of pressure to being good in bed. People are literally licking their phones to get a grade on their cunnilingus skills. It’s basically the nineteen fifties “Perfect Housewife” fetish, except that now it requires people to satisfy their partners in the best sexual way possible. Rather than the sexual being about two people discovering each other’s bodies and desires, both parties are expected to be experts from the get-go. My question is, how does this end up affecting relationships and sex in the long run?
While plenty of online sources claim that my fear was already previously voiced by people against porn becoming a mainstream form of entertainment, I still think that this much preparation does not help set the mood. Let me put it like this: you learn to color by numbers, to the point where you know that certain things should be red, others yellow, and a couple green. But then you find yourself with a blank image that has no numbers. You start coloring everything the way you think it should go, only to discover that to someone else this isn’t the correct order. Was that confusing?
Say you learn to master the oral sex app, thus considering yourself a pro. But then you meet someone and start going down on them only to realize that they’re not enjoying any of it. Who is wrong here? Nobody. You can’t streamline pleasure. While there might be a sort of consensus, it will never be an absolute sure thing. So taking all your sex and relationship advice from your app can actually prove counterproductive, not to mention it makes you believe that you need to act or be a certain way to attract others. Instead of celebrating individuality, we all become copies of each other.
Sexuality is a spectrum that cannot be easily boxed or classified. The fact that technology is set on doing this leaves us to decipher what is the best option: doing what we’re told or following our instincts. These apps can help you, but don’t expect them to become your only source of information and advice. Each body is different, which is why not everything that works for someone else or the majority will provide the same results to an individual. It’s a starting point but not a target or guideline. Each of us must explore and discover our own sexual instincts and identity in order to find what works for us and what we can provide others.
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