Is There A Waiting Time To Have Sex While You're Dating?

lunes, 19 de junio de 2017 10:44

|Maria Suarez



When you think about it, our current urban life is not that different to back when we lived in small towns and communities. We have a close group of people who are not necessarily blood related but we consider as our de-facto families. And even when we meet new people or interact with others outside our circle, we still go back to this village setting to talk about everything that is going on in our lives. This has its pros and cons. But it’s most obvious when we’re dating other people.

Picture this very likely scenario: you’ve just met someone and have set up plans for a first date. You tell your friends about it, probably in a casual manner. Then they ask you a lot of questions, but not too much. They’ll wonder where you met them. Was it an organic interaction or did an app play matchmaker? What do you know about them? Obviously those details will be very superficial at that moment because you haven’t had a chance to talk with your date that much. Yet you tell your friend that if you spot anything weird you’ll text them SOS in the bathroom, and change their contact name to Mom, so they can call you and provide a valid excuse in the form of an emergency such as an earthquake, hurricane, or bizarre accident.

But then the unasked suggestions begin. Suddenly you’re hit with all these preconceptions or ideas that come from society or television. Some will tell you to always be upfront about the bill, whether it’s to split if 50/50 or for one party to pay for the whole thing. Others will lecture you on appropriate date conversation and manners. Of course, one question you won’t be able to escape from: Are you planning on having sex on the first date?

This is something none of us can escape from. And there’s never a right answer. You’ll be called prudish or easy, depending. It will inevitably begin an array of storytelling about someone’s third cousin who had casual sex with a stranger they met at a gas station only for it to blossom into a lasting relationship that turned into a perfect marriage. Or it will turn into campfire horror story of a friend’s neighbor’s sister who went out with a guy she met on an app and discovered her date was a cannibal. If there’s something that we could all learn from is that asking for help doesn’t always mean you’ll get it.

There are millions of love stories regarding whether they got it on the first time they met, shortly after, or even a long while later. There’s not one equation to tell you when you should have sex with the person you’re dating. It’s a feeling instead of an exact science. Both of you can experiment with the chemistry and closeness you’re feeling. There’s no rule that says that the relationship will never happen if you sleep together on the first night. While plenty of matchmakers tell their clients to not do this, I think this has more to do with the fact that their jobs are to get their customers married to a certain echelon. However, for the majority of us, whether we eventually want to get married, or not, should not be considered when we’re on a first date.

As for the overflow of questions, advice, stories, and suggestions, it’s always nice knowing you have people who care and have your back. But perhaps, it’s important to keep a little bit for yourself during this time. The more opinions you get the more likely you’ll be overwhelmed with contradicting ideas that might confuse your own feelings. Focus on what feels right for you instead of what society, your own expectations, as well as your friends’ folklore tales say. Pay attention to your instincts and remember that there’s no one path. Instead, focus on the clues between your date and yourself. It’s about having a good time and getting to know the other person, so do that.

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Images by Laurken Kendall


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Maria Suarez

Maria Suarez


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