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30 funny Shakespearean insults that’ll end an enemy with style

The world-renowned English playwright obviously knew how to poetically roast someone in a poetic way!

When thinking about William Shakespeare, perhaps the first thing that comes to your mind is one of his many notorious plays, such as the tragic love story of Romeo and Juliet or The Scottish play— no, I’m not going to risk my chances of having its curse fall on me for having written its name, thank you very much!

Maybe you relate to him in a way that your school made you read his sonnets and, in the end, you either became a Shakespearean fan or you develop secret hate towards the guy for having to learn his poem by heart and then recite it in front of your classmates.

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Yet, did you know that Shakespeare was also a master of creating funny insults? Here are some of his witty comebacks that prove his shrewd and sassy side!

Note: I only included the insults that were on a “PG-13″ level.

1. “The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.”—William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors (Act Five, Scene Four)

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2. “A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality.”—William Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well (Act 3, Scene 6)

3. “Come, come, you froward and unable worms!”—William Shakespeare, The Taming Of The Shrew (Act 5, Scene 2)

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4. “Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver’d boy”. —William Shakespeare, Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 3) *Oops, I wrote it… Well, what can be done!

“His wit’s as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard.” —William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 4)

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5. “I am sick when I do look on thee.” —William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Act 2, Scene 1)

“More of your conversation would infect my brain.”—William Shakespeare, Coriolanus (Act 2, Scene 1)

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6. “If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.” —William Shakespeare, Hamlet (Act 3, Scene 1)

7. “I scorn you, scurvy companion.” —William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 4)

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8. “I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.” —William Shakespeare, Timon of Athens (Act 4, Scene 3)

9. “The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril” —William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor (Act 3, Scene 5)

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10. “There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.” —William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 1 (Act 3, Scene 3)

11. “Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract.” —William Shakespeare, The Tempest (Act 2, Scene 2)

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12. “Thine face is not worth sunburning.” —William Shakespeare, Henry V (Act 5, Scene 2)

13. “That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manning tree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?” —William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 1 (Act 2, Scene 4)

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14. “Thou art a boil, a plague sore”—William Shakespeare, King Lear (Act 2, Scene 2)

15. “Like the toad; ugly and venomous.” —William Shakespeare, As You Like It (Act 2, Scene 1)

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16. “Thou art unfit for any place but hell.” —William Shakespeare, Richard III (Act 1 Scene 2)

17. “Thou cream faced loon” —William Shakespeare, Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 3)

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18. “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.”—William Shakespeare, Henry V (Act 4, Scene 4)

19. “That poisonous bunch-back’d toad!” —William Shakespeare, Richard III (Act 1, Scene 3)

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20. “Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.” —William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida (Act 2, Scene 1)

21. “Thou subtle, perjur’d, false, disloyal man!” —William Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona (Act 4, Scene 2)

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“Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade.” —William Shakespeare, Measure For Measure (Act 3, Scene 1)

22. “Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.” —William Shakespeare, Cymbeline (Act 3, Scene 4)

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23. “You poor, base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! " —William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 2 (Act 2, Scene 4)

24. “You are as a candle, the better burnt out.” —William Shakespeare, Henry IV Part 2 (Act 1, Scene 2)

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25. “Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.” —William Shakespeare, As You Like It (Act 2, Scene 7)

26. “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.” —William Shakespeare, Richard III (Act 1, Scene 2)

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27. “You have such a February face, So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness.” —William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (Act 5, Scene 4)

28. “I do desire we may be better strangers.” —William Shakespeare, As You Like It (Act 3 Scene 2)

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29. That kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.” —William Shakespeare, Titus Andronicus (Act 3, Scene 1)

30. “I do wish thou were a dog, that I might love thee something.” —William Shakespeare, Timon of Athens (Act IV, Scene 3)

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Now we know there’s a lyrical way to express a put-down!


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