My Strength, My Pride, My Beauty, My Woman Self

March 20, 2018

|Cultura Colectiva



Poet Joshua Jennifer Espinoza believes language can be both a medium for transformation as well as a way for us to find our own identity. In her own words, Espinoza writes poetry to better understand herself and her position, but she also writes to honor the history that she's part of. In the poem "I Imagine All My Cis Friends Laughing at Tranny Jokes", the young poet questions the preconceived ideas about gender and identity.



poem by joshua jennifer espinoza 1



I IMAGINE ALL MY CIS FRIENDS LAUGHING AT TRANNY JOKES


I imagine all my cis friends laughing at tranny jokes

whenever I’m not around. I can hear the sound of rain

outside and I’m grasping for the words to say this. There

is nothing I love more than an honest storm. Broken dishes.

Dead grass. The time has come for me to be alive

and for you to stop speaking. Please stop speaking. Please, oh

please stop speaking. I have never felt as alone as this,

I say every day. I have never felt so alone. I’ve built houses

in corners of houses and filled them with all of my

longings. My strength. My pride. My beauty. My woman

self. I read another comments section of an article

about trans women and I want to die. To not exist. To let

them win. I don’t let them win. I circle the drain

and kiss my fingers hello. I welcome them back. This complex

trauma responds only to the dialectical. Only to the heat

and the cool, the death and the life. Only then is it lifted

for a moment to let me breathe. I breathe the sweet air

and stare at the hillside, and then at the road, and then 

at the cars, and then at the sky. All so unsure of themselves.

All so softly shaking in place. All so beautifully living.


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Originally published in Apogee.


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Photos by @Deanastacia.



TAGS: Poetry Writing
SOURCES:
Cultura Colectiva

Cultura Colectiva


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