This Is Not Another Feminist Poem

March 26, 2018

|Cultura Colectiva
poem by joshua jennifer espinoza



Poet Joshua Jennifer Espinoza believes language can be both a medium for transformation as well as a way for us to find our own identity. In her own words, Espinoza writes poetry to better understand herself and her position, but she also writes to honor the history that she's part of.



poem by joshua jennifer espinoza 1



MAKEUP RITUAL


This is not another feminist poem

about the tyranny of western standards

of beauty. Or maybe it is.

As a trans woman, I’m still not sure what

I’m allowed to contribute to the topic.

According to some I exist only to

reinforce gendered violence—

my body a blade sliding up and down

the legs of real women

forcing its way under their arms

and carving the language of misogyny

into every surface.

Wow. Who knew I had so much power?

I don’t even leave the house unless

I’ve had time to build a world on my face

and make myself palatable

for public consumption.

Is it so wrong to be afraid

when I’ve seen what can happen?

When I’ve had it happen to me?

In my life there is nothing more beautiful

than dissociating in front of a mirror

and drawing perfect lines

across the flesh, wrinkle to wrinkle,

eyes rolling up into themselves,

plastic pulling lashes into little curls.

I live to cover my shadow with blood.

To cake my entire image.

For me, this means something like safety.

Like a hit of oxygen from a falling plane.

The first time I saw my face made up

I couldn’t help but cry it all off.

What will I call myself now? I wondered.

It helps to have a name even though

a name is a room you can never leave.


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Originally published by Them.


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Photos by @Deanastacia.



TAGS: Poetry Writing
SOURCES:
Cultura Colectiva

Cultura Colectiva


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