How Many Times Do You Need To Have Sex To Fall In Love?

How Many Times Do You Need To Have Sex To Fall In Love?

Avatar of Rodrigo Ayala

By: Rodrigo Ayala

May 3, 2017

Books How Many Times Do You Need To Have Sex To Fall In Love?
Avatar of Rodrigo Ayala

By: Rodrigo Ayala

May 3, 2017


“I'm sure I fell in love with her from the first time we talked in that room,” confessed the 37-year-old, drinking beer at the bar. He immediately lowered his gazed and added,  “I knew I wanted to marry her from the moment I saw her naked in front of me. When I entered her I just knew. She was the love of my life. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's the truth." He gave a slight smile and moved away. I still believe him.

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“We meet three years ago, at a book signing. A friend of mine is a writer, so he invited me to hear him talk about his most recent novel. At some point I turned my head to one side of the room. I caught him staring at me. He looked a bit grouchy but I liked it. He had a defying gaze. His eyes wouldn't stop following me. I could feel his desire."

That's how Constanza described the first time she saw David. She is a petite 30-year-old who works as a publicist. I asked her if I could interview her and she agreed to sit and have a chat with me. She talks in a soft voice that makes me feel as if I were shouting all the time. 

What happened afterwards? What was your first encounter like?

“After the talk was over, there was a cocktail party for the guests. My friend was talking to all of us but I wasn't listening to anything he said. I was just exchanging glances with David. Just looking at his eyes set me on fire. He approached me and started a conversation."

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Constanza and I were chatting at a quiet coffee shop downtown. Apart from us, there were other five people drinking tea or coffee in total silence. This is one of Constanza's favorite places, that's why she decided to talk to me here. 

“We clicked immediately,” she continued. “I could tell his intentions were very far from having a casual talk about books or our professional lives. The tone of his voice was quite provocative. I realized right away that he wanted to have casual sex with me."

Did that upset you?

"To be honest, I wanted it too. But I also wishes to the moment could be postponed a bit to make the sexual tension grow.  I didn't want things to end so abruptly."

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I went to David's place to chat a little bit more. He is an architect. His house was exactly what I would have expected from someone with that profession. It was cozy and perfectly designed. He had very good taste in furniture. I wanted to interview him and Constanza for one specific reason: to discover if a casual sexual encounter could lead to feelings of love. If one night was enough to make a person experience feelings that go beyond desire?

"As I told you, I fell in love with her since the first time I invited her to spend the night with me. I was hooked after seeing her during that boring book presentation. But after being with her I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

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How would you describe your first sexual encounter?

“This is very embarrassing to admit but I was aroused from the moment I saw her to the day after. Even during those moments we would pause to rest a little. I know how unreal this sounds, but it is true. I even got scared. But I think sex and love come together. If she had such a power over me, then it meant she was the person I had to be with. But with every orgasm I could feel our lives merging more and more."

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“There is something I often remember since that first time we had sex. When we were about to start our third session, she whispered the words 'I love you' softly into my ear. I was torn apart. Never in my life had these words reached so deep. I just replied 'I love you too.' That first encounter was a blend of many different elements: savagery, passion, dirtiness, and wetness. If someone else had told me in advance that I would fall helplessly in love with that woman, I wouldn't have believed that."

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“He convinced me to go to his place. I felt nervous and anxious. I felt a growing anticipation of whatever was about to happen. I held on the book while I was in David's car. After he stopped driving he started to caress my thighs and my reaction was to take his penis in my hands. The sound of his heartbeats aroused me even more. We were so turned on that we went directly to his room. We became beasts driven by instinct and pleasure. Sometimes it even hurt, but far from making me upset, that would burn me up even more."
What feelings did you experience during that moment? 

"I was afraid because I had never experienced such feelings before. I felt I was falling in love with him with each thrust. I'm not kidding."

In the end, what made you fall in love with him?

“I think it was everything that happened in the gallery, then in his car, and finally that night. My past relationships just sucked either sexually or emotionally. He treated me differently. He was as much a gentleman as he was brazen in bed. He liked to try different positions. I loved that."

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What started out as a one night stand finally turned into a love story. I wonder if my reader will find this hard to believe. Probably those who have never felt something similar will dismiss this as a big fat lie, while others will sincerely believe their stories because they have gone through a similar experience.



“I'd had relationships with other women before. But most of them were only interested in sex. Constanza was different. She was naughty yet sweet. I think I was the same: I was rough but tried to take care of her at the same time."

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Constanza seems hot-headed, but she hides a tangible fragility inside. It's not hard to guess why David desires her so much and loves her so deeply.

“Despite being a total stranger, his gallantry made me fall in love with him in no time. Anyone who hears me say this will probably say 'How can you fall in love with a person you've just met? That guy only wants to bang you and then dump you, are you nuts?'"

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“Of course I didn't forget about her. I took her home the next day and we continued to have sex there. After that, we saw each other again two days later, with the firm conviction that we were a couple, not just lovers. I know how crazy it sounds. But I refuse to believe that we are the only ones who've experienced something like this. Sex can become magic when the person you're with awakens the most burning of desires, as well as the most endearing of feelings by only looking at them... I think that's what eroticism is really about."

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It is difficult to believe that two perfect strangers would tell me their story so openly. Perhaps, when you are truly in love, your heart can open up to unexpected lengths. Maybe we've been asking ourselves the wrong question all the time. Perhaps it's not about how many times you need to have sex before you fall in love, The real question might be, at what point of the sexual encounter you realize you're in love.



Minuto a minuto

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Translated by Andrea Valle Gracia