It will be painful, but it won’t be the end of our lives. It will be difficult to pick up the pieces of my heart but not impossible…
A story on broken hearts by Ivonne Mendez:
The confusion brought on by indifference never compares to the wrath created by betrayal or the anguish caused by infidelity. I’ve felt it. I was there once. At the time I thought it had been centuries…
I look everywhere but can’t see a thing. The floor trembles; I lose sense of time. My senses cloud, and my heart beats like crazy. I’ve discovered a lie.
Come, sit next to me, he whispers begging, not understanding.
You’ve betrayed me, is the only thing on my mind.
I don’t need to ask, to be filled with doubts. My eyes have seen enough. I can’t continue to be blind. I can’t ignore and go on, like I’ve done so many times before.
Today I’m broken. How many times have I asked for an answer, a sign, proof? And now I have it in front of me.
It’s been a few hours. They feel like crushing millennia. I don’t know if I should cry or laugh. The only response I’ve gotten is flooding tears.
A fleeting affair, perhaps. A temporary fling. Forbidden love. My mind tries to think. You look at me confused. All I can do is ask you to leave. There’s no screaming, no lectures. I’m paralyzed. I don’t want any explanations, there’s plenty already.
You said “Miss you already.” Those words were not meant for me, but stab me anyway. How many times have I begged for your attention? How many times have I implored for your presence? You ask for the same but to another woman’s lips. You long for the embrace of someone else. My words, my sweet dreams you hated so much. They now serve as your romancing techniques. Each cell of my being has been shred.
I am associated to you, through that ecclesiastical civil institution, in that belief in an infinite union. In a love that lasts forever that my steps would perpetuate each day. I’ve never stopped being yours. Not for one instant were my feelings another’s. Yet you suffer for her, to relive moments of your life next to her.
This can’t be real; it should not be true. I turn and turn in the sheets, the place that should’ve been the altar of our love. Yet today they hold my tears.
Poor man. Perhaps he’s being faithful to his heart, to his shortcomings. Perhaps he is simply tending to what he feels.
Anger was the start, uncontainable rage. Not being able to understand what I did wrong. Giving my entire self was not the right thing to do. It wasn’t enough to turn over my soul, life, and heart. Or maybe it was. I gave too much. I exhausted every attempt. I broke every outline. I’m at peace now. Knowing there was nothing I forgot to do.
There’s a huge emptiness in my chest, a black hole that’s consuming everything around me.
It’s a dagger. An actual knife, cold and sharp, that pierces through me. It could be my redeeming or my agony.
A scream disrupts the room. I can’t do this anymore. The pain is dragging me down. It burns me up. Heat and cold are suspended in my blood. I can’t feel anymore.
I’m been lying here for a few hours or days, I’m not sure anymore.
I managed to get on my feet. Everything is gray. My soul has disappeared. There’s no pain. No betrayal. Nothing. There’s no resentment. No tears. Maybe I’ve died.
The days start again. Those words have been lost. Those images are blurry. They’ve stopped hurting. Apologies, excuses, and explanations are no longer needed. I’ve taken care of my broken heart.
Now there’s only calm. I haven’t wanted to see you. I’m not sure that if we crossed paths, I’d be able to recognize you. That day we died. There’s no heartbeat, nothing keeping us together. It’s all burned away.
Images by Oleh Slobodeniuk.
You might be interested in reading:
30 Things I Never Would've Achieved If I'd Never Broken Up With You
Breakups Can Unleash A Couple Different Mental Disorders
Translated by María Suárez