Things That Make Me Feel Embarrassed

Things That Make Me Feel Embarrassed

By: Cultura Colectiva -

Poet Joshua Jennifer Espinoza believes language can be both a medium for transformation as well as a way for us to find our own identity. In her own words, Espinoza writes poetry to better understand herself and her position, but she also writes to honor the history that she's part of. In the poem "Things That Make Me Feel Embarrassed", the young poet talks about all those little things that make us feel out of place.

Things That Make Me Feel Embarrassed 1


Speaking, walking through any crowded room or open

space, asking for help, having a body, complaining about

having a body, not understanding big grad school words,

understanding big grad school words, catching my reflection

in a mirror, listening to the thoughts in my head, considering

any moment in my past, even one second ago when I was

wondering what to say here, and questioning, questioning,

always questioning myself, my intent, is this push towards

healing selfish, am I a selfish person for wanting the tiny

drops of comfort that form on the sphere of glass I keep

around my innermost self, is it a crime to be this sensitive,

should I be leaving the house more, oh no, now I’m sad,

is it wrong to feel sad, where is my labor going, oh no,

I didn’t answer that text, didn’t respond to those emails,

was too busy dying, convinced I was dying, whatever,

the other day a stranger caught me standing out beneath

the sun and smiling with my eyes shut at the warm

breath of wind upon my face and oh god I was so

embarrassed I erased the moment, dropped the

catharsis, abandoned my relief for the pigeons

and flies to feast upon with love.


Originally published by NY Tyrant.


Photos by @Deanastacia.