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Things That Make Me Feel Embarrassed

20 de marzo de 2018

Cultura Colectiva



Poet Joshua Jennifer Espinoza believes language can be both a medium for transformation as well as a way for us to find our own identity. In her own words, Espinoza writes poetry to better understand herself and her position, but she also writes to honor the history that she's part of. In the poem "Things That Make Me Feel Embarrassed", the young poet talks about all those little things that make us feel out of place.





THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL EMBARRASSED


Speaking, walking through any crowded room or open

space, asking for help, having a body, complaining about


having a body, not understanding big grad school words,

understanding big grad school words, catching my reflection


in a mirror, listening to the thoughts in my head, considering

any moment in my past, even one second ago when I was


wondering what to say here, and questioning, questioning,

always questioning myself, my intent, is this push towards


healing selfish, am I a selfish person for wanting the tiny

drops of comfort that form on the sphere of glass I keep


around my innermost self, is it a crime to be this sensitive,

should I be leaving the house more, oh no, now I’m sad,


is it wrong to feel sad, where is my labor going, oh no,

I didn’t answer that text, didn’t respond to those emails,


was too busy dying, convinced I was dying, whatever,

the other day a stranger caught me standing out beneath


the sun and smiling with my eyes shut at the warm

breath of wind upon my face and oh god I was so


embarrassed I erased the moment, dropped the

catharsis, abandoned my relief for the pigeons


and flies to feast upon with love.


**


Originally published by NY Tyrant.


**


Photos by @Deanastacia.



TAGS: Poetry Writing
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