Ethereal, delicate, and perfect female figures soar across the stage, and as we marvel at their grace, we remain blissfully unaware of what happens behind the scenes.
A standing ovation and amid the clapping, the more enthusiastic shout out, “Brava!” “Excellent!” The audience is spellbound by the talent of the dancers, but few know of the arduous and painful process of reaching such sublime perfection. Ballet is more than just a dance; it is an art that pushes the body to the limit. It is a constant struggle with oneself that can lead to a series of mental and eating disorders. This lifestyle can drag these dancers to precarious economic situations that force them to respond in unimaginable ways. Some dancers have decided to shine a light on these dark experiences by publishing their testimonies on what happens on and off the stage.
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Dancing on my Grave, Gelsey Kirkland
Gelsey Kirkland is a legendary dancer from the New York City Ballet who was invited to be a part of it at the age of 15 by the founder of the neoclassical style, George Balanchine. One year after joining the company, she was promoted to soloist until reaching the coveted Prima Ballerina title. During her dancing career, Kirkland suffered from anorexia and addictions, until she was finally admitted into a psychiatric ward. In her book she narrates her desperate attempts to reach perfection until she came face to face with death.
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Fosse, Sam Wasson
Bob Fosse is an important figure in dance and in cinema. He was awarded an Oscar for Best Director in 1972 for Cabaret, the Palm d’Or for All That Jazz, among many other awards and recognitions. What is remarkable is that not only did he direct the films, but he would also choreograph the scenes. All That Jazz is loosely based on the life of the choreographer Joe Gideon, who was addicted to drugs and had a death wish.
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Holding on to the Air, Suzanne Farrell
Also a member of the New York City Ballet, she was considered the muse of George Balanchine, since he created parts specifically for her. This book narrates Suzanne’s artistic trajectory, and while drugs or mental disorders are not at the center, she emphasizes the cutthroat and competitive world of ballet.
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Winter Season, Toni Bentley
Bentley had her first ballet lesson at the age of four in the official New York City Ballet school, and at 16 she finally formed part of the prestigious company. She remained there under the tutelage of Balanchine until, at the age of 26, she suffered a hip lesion that forced her into early retirement. During her days at NYCB, Bentley carried a personal diary where she would write down what it was like being a dancer in a professional company. A world where competitiveness, exhaustion, and an unrelenting drive for perfection can lead the strongest of dancers to the brink of a collapse. The New York Times ranks this book as one of the most intelligent, honest, and introspective works on the world of dance.
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Life in Motion, Misty Copeland
Misty Copeland is a popular name in the dance medium. She forms part of the American Ballet Theater and was the first African-American to occupy the role of Principal Dancer in the seventy five years of the company. She started out her career quite late in dance terms, and her physical appearance made it hard for her to get a head start in the industry because it didn’t conform to classical standards. She is a true prodigy; she was dancing en pointe within three months of taking her first dance class and performing professionally in just over a year, a feat unheard of for any classical dancer. In her autobiography, Life in Motion, Copeland narrates the life of a unique, groundbreaking ballerina.
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Bunheads, Sophie Flack
This novel opens a window into the realities of the world of ballet. Her author, Sophie Flack—who belonged to the New York City Ballet company—narrates the story of 19 year old dancer, Hannah Ward. Her character not only faces the challenges of entering a professional company, but also her struggles in becoming a soloist.
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Once a Dancer, Allegra Kent
Another of Balanchine’s muses, it is said that Kent was his favorite. Allegra Kent had a hard life since childhood, growing up in a dysfunctional family, and later on facing a destructive relationship with photographer Bert Stern. In this autobiography, Kent narrates her emotional, physical, and economic problems that followed her throughout her career.
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Ballerina: Sex, Scandal, and Suffering Behind the Symbol of Perfection, Deirdre Kelly
The title says it all. Deidre Kelly is a dance critic for the Canadian papers, The Globe and Mail. This book explores the lives of the most important dancers, like Anna Pavlova, Isadora Duncan, Suzanne Farrel, and Gelsey Kirkland. She exposes the rigorous lifestyle these women follow. She reveals the industry’s most hideous secrets like poor working conditions, mediocre salaries, prostitution, anorexia, and drug addictions.
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Apollo’s Angels, Jennifer Homans
Jennifer Homans is a historian and dance critic. In Apollo’s Angels, she recounts the history of dance from European courts to nowadays. Homans describes the evolution of technique, choreography, and interpretation. She concludes with the belief that the actual classical dance is going through a period of crisis, since all the great masters have left this earth.
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Astonish Me, Maggie Shipstead
This is the story of Joan, a dancer who decides to leave her career behind in order to pursue a domestic life. Memories come to the surface when her son, Harry, turns out to be a prodigy. It is a story that digs deep into the pains that come with leaving behind the stage and the perpetual ghost of dance that torments all retired dancers.
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If you thought Black Swan was an exaggeration and out of touch with reality, these works prove otherwise. It might be one of the most beautiful art forms in Earth, but it has a macabre and dark side that few know about. While this list is focused mainly on the feminine roles, this does not mean that male dancers don’t go through equally challenging situations. From the long list of misfortunes, we can add AIDS, as it has taken the lives of countless invaluable male dancers.