The older I get, the less patience I have with the world and myself. I have never been good at keeping New Year’s resolutions, so I always fake the countdown when you are supposed to make a mental list. I pretend I am thinking hard and truly making a commitment with myself for the rest of the year. In truth, I just think about all the booze that lies ahead for the night.
This year, though, I am making a list of things I can -and, believe me, if I can, anyone can- do on the first day of the year. That way, by January 2nd, I can go back to being my old lazy self, yay!
Ideally, though, these things can help you start the year in a good personal place and maybe get a few good habits going that will help you be happier this year. (I said maybe, don’t sue me).
1. Party all night long, and still get home with your keys, wallet, and cell phone intact
One of the main challenges in my life is not to lose anything when I go out, and before you start with the alcohol talk, let me tell you, my scatterbrained self is perfectly capable of losing something while completely sober. Case in point: once, I left my sunglasses on top of a pile of onions in a supermarket. So, if you can get home on January 1st, and you didn’t lose any of your valuables, in my book, that is worthy of being categorized as “resolution accomplished.”
2. Engage in some form of physical activity
Photo: @drunkyoga
Hear me out. I know you are tired from all the parties you attended last week. I know that most gyms are closed, and most people are going to spend the rest of the day either nursing a hangover or eating all the leftovers and candy. That’s fine, too.
But at some point during the day, convince your best friend or your significant other to go out for a walk, even if it’s just to go to the mall or a walk around the block. Physical exercise is a proven strategy to improve your mood, and it will help you start the year in a better way. It will also make it easier to keep doing it every day for the rest of the year (sex counts double).
3. Cook something for yourself, or better yet, learn to cook something
Cooking for other people is great, and the holidays are all about spending time with your family, and giving and receiving gifts. But if you are like most people, cooking for yourself falls somewhere between dreaded chore and luxury.
On one hand, no one seems to have time to cook these days, and that’s how we all end up lining up to get fast food most days of the work week. On the other, eating something made by you, for you, just for the simple pleasure of cooking and eating is at the top of my list of most enjoyable things ever.
Set some time apart to cook a simple dish, something that you truly enjoy, just for yourself, and savor the time you spend making it as much as the time you spend eating it. Be thankful for the luxury of the time and the food you are eating.
4. Do not kill a plant
This should be a lifelong resolution, I know, but for me and both of my brown thumbs, not killing a plant has been one of my lifetime non-achievements. So, for January 1st, I am making a resolution of watering a plant (miracle of miracles: helping a plant live!). It doesn’t have to be MY plant – I don’t own any after I have killed so many. I will find a friend who has plants and ask them to invite me over their house to water their plants. DONE. I did not kill a plant today! If you manage to repeat this non-killing activity, let’s say, once a month -or week- you are well on your way to becoming a plant owner! Maybe next year.
5. Talk to someone other than your pets
After the party season, the last thing I want to do is to engage in conversation with another human being. I am exhausted from human interaction, and the only thing I want to do is to be home, alone, with my cats. The problem is I tend to stay like that for days or weeks at a time, so I will only talk to people if I really, really need to.
It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, or an interesting and meaningful one: call someone to ask how their New Year’s party was, or ask them if they managed to get back home in one piece, something like that. No matter how loud your pets are, their barking/meowing does NOT count as a conversation.
6. Don’t get angry
The freaking traffic stop by my house lasts one half of a nanosecond. Every time I try to cross that street, my life is endangered. I hate it with all my guts. There are plenty of things that make us angry on a regular basis, and mostly, these are things that are not under our control.
And yes, being angry at things helps me most of the time to be more civil in my interactions with other humans -for example, I am angry at the traffic stop, NOT at that driver that almost killed me. But January 1st is a slow day: no office, and not much to do, so, for one day, everything that happens and that is not under my control, I will just let be. Tomorrow, I can begin my war against that red light again.
7. Count 100 breaths
We’ve all heard about the many benefits of meditation, focused breathing, and mindfulness. But… seriously, if your resolution for 2019 is to meditate, I bet that there is a 90% chance that it’s not going to happen.
Let’s scale it back a notch, shall we? If your plans for today are 1. exist, and 2. do nothing, you might as well add 3. breathe. Sit in a comfortable position, breathe in, breathe out, and repeat 100 times. Yes, I am asking you to count to 100… So, you could count this achievement as double: you did math!
8. Set apart 10% of the money you have in your wallet
Financial planning… I hate those words (maybe as much as that traffic stop). I will not ask you to make a plan for the year, not on this lazy day. But do this: take out your wallet, take 10% of the money you have in there right now (don’t cheat, if you have no money, think of a reasonable amount of money you might have on a regular day) and put it in a jar, or inside a book. This resolution requires you to do just one thing for the rest of the year, which is: do not touch that money for 365 days!
If you can repeat this action a few more times during the year, I got news for you: this is what people mean when they say ”save money.” Who knows? You might like this and become the next Warren Buffett! In any case, by this time next year, you will have some pocket money. In either case, you win.
9. Watch one of the hundreds of things you have saved in your “for later” list
Are you familiar with the term “millennial hoarder”? It is used to describe people (mainly millennials, hence the name) who have hundreds, thousands even, of web pages, movies, articles, blogs, and music albums on their “to watch,” “to read,” and “to listen” lists. Hours upon hours of online content that most probably they will never get to. Sounds familiar? Pick one thing and do it. Get comfortable and dedicate 90 minutes to that movie you have been meaning to watch forever before it’s taken from Netflix.
10. Talk to someone you will not talk to for the rest of the year
This is probably the hardest one to do, but we all have that person in our lives that we are always “meaning to call,” but we never get around to doing it. Maybe it’s your best friend from college who moved abroad, and the friendship cooled down; maybe it’s a relative who is getting old, and you know you should really call every once in a while; or maybe it’s the long-lost love of your life.
In any case, this is a person that you know, deep down, you probably won’t call for the rest of the year. Hey, I’m not judging, you have your reasons for not calling them. Those are for you to know. Anyway, this is the perfect day to make that call: the only thing you actually have to say is “Happy New Year!,” but do add some pleasantries before hanging up, or it would be kind of weird. The silver lining to this most depressing item: you can count this as a double accomplishment (No. 5 and No. 10).
There you have it: the perfect resolution list for the lazy and socially-awkward person who wants to be done with the whole business on the first day of the year! Happy 2020!
More articles about the holidays:
Christmas Markets Are The Only Reason I Venture Into The Cold Winter In Europe
Christmas Is Canceled… In China After Authorities In Langfang Ban The Festivity
New Year’s Resolutions You Can Steal From Friends If You Still Don’t Have Your Own
