Clues To Understand Why Your Partner Is Being Extremely Jealous

Something Greek mythology has taught me is not to mess with a jealous person, especially if they’re a powerful deity who will do anything to harm those they feel threaten their relationship. Yes, I’m talking about you, Hera. In a wide majority of stories, Zeus is the hopeless, lustful god who keeps “falling in love” with anyone who crosses his path. To satiate his lust he tricks others and this mischief causes in his wife a profound anger and sets loose unhealthy behaviors that push her to punish all of her husband’s lovers. The punishments range from turning them into hideous monsters or animals (Lamia or Calisto), banishing them to unknown lands (Leto), or even attempting to kill their offspring (Dionysus). We could go on and on discussing Hera’s psychotic pursuit for revenge, but we kind of understand where she’s coming from. I mean, Zeus is….well, let’s just say he isn’t the most loyal of husbands. There are countless stories of extreme jealousy that end in tragedy, both in fiction and in real life, and it’s understandable, jealousy is a gripping emotion that takes the steering wheel off your hands and leads you onto very unhealthy paths.
Literary characters such as Hera have inspired scientists and psychologist to research and name many different conditions that afflict the human body and mind. During the fifties, Dr. John Todd, a British psychiatrist, coined the term Othello syndrome to explain those pathological and morbid cases of jealousy that evolve into psychotic behaviors. Inspired by Shakespeare’s story of a man who murders his wife out of jealousy, Dr. Todd developed a theory around this psychiatric picture that explores the boundaries between normal and delusional jealousy. This particular type can lead to extreme paranoid attitudes in which individuals no longer are certain of what’s real or what’s coming out of their imagination; this, of course, can trigger some dangerous actions that go from excessive stalking to murder or suicide, like in Othello’s case. Naturally, I’m not saying that this is a rule with jealous people, but sometimes our mind and imagination push us to react in very particular ways without letting us rationalize what’s really going on. In the same way, when our partner starts behaving in this way, it’s very hard to deal with the situation, since we don’t really know what’s the best course of action. For this reason, here are some arguments you can tell them if they’re being totally jealous.
Trust IssuesWhile it’s not a norm, in many cases jealousy can be traced to past experiences that made them insecure or taught them not to trust in other people. Instead of just getting mad because your partner doesn’t trust you, even when you’ve proven to be honest, try talking to them and see what’s really happening. Never assume what goes on in their head or what thoughts they may hold, a true and honest conversation can clear up the air.
They’re not very open about their feelingsSometimes jealousy takes over us and blinds us from reality. Instead of addressing the problem, we just get mad and start complaining, questioning our partner, or even start stalking them to find evidence of that infidelity we’re so convinced it’s happening. If you notice that your partner is behaving in that way, the best thing is to face them and make them open up about what’s happening to them, so both of you can address the problem right away.
Fear of loss interestJealousy is an emotion that mixes anger with fear. In most cases, this emotion is triggered by attitudes that mislead the other to believe that their partner is losing interest in them. When a person is feeling this way, they focus on the negative side of life and every attitude can be interpreted as a proof that something is bad in the relationship or, in most cases, that our partner has found a new interest outside the relationship. I’m not saying that you have to exaggerate and be extremely loving and caring (especially if you’re not like that normally), but pay more attention to the relationship and the role you’re currently playing in it.
Frequent comparisons to othersJealousy can actually be seen as a coping strategy to protect ourselves in the event of an infidelity. We obsessively try to find evidence just to prove our suspicions that way we won’t be blindsided if it happens. Jealousy is a symptom of a battle against uncertainty. If your partner is often comparing your relationship to that of others, then they might think that something is missing. In that case, see what’s bothering them and try to make mutual commitments to improve the relationship.
–One of the worst things we can do when we’re dealing with jealousy in our relationship is to see the other as a crazy and illogical person or indulging in their behavior. This is actually what happens in many relationships, and it can be way more harmful than just sitting and sharing what’s bothering both of you. Also, it’s very important to understand that no one is the property of the other and a relationship must be founded on mutual trust and freedom, so it’s probably a good idea to set those rules from the start. ***The images illustrating the article belong to @kat_in_nyc ***
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