How many times have we seen or read the typical story of a girl who’s miserable in a relationship with someone she thought was perfect and in the end finds love in the person she least expected? This trope which is repeated across films, novels, and music makes you wonder how many times you’ve ignored prospects because they don’t match your personal type or expectations.
We are spoon fed this idea that once we grow up we’ll miraculously find that perfect someone with whom we’ll live happily ever after. Yes, you may scoff at this and say, “that’s a fairytale” but accept it, deep inside of you there’s that little kernel of hope waiting to blossom. Thanks to this way of thinking, we idealize that imaginary person we don’t even know and endow them with attributes that are impossible to fulfill. It might be those impossible expectations that are pushing you away from meeting a person who can make you happy. This is not about “lowering standards” whatever that may mean, but being open to new possibilities and partners.
How do we develop a love “type”? According to the “Mere Exposure Effect” theory by psychologist Robert Zajonc, we tend to find attractive all those things that are familiar to us or reminds us of something from our past. This doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships, it is present when you choose friends or even your fashion style.
So, basically, we base our taste on physical or personality traits that appear familiar to us. In this case i’m not referring to the old wives’ tale where we choose partners that resemble our parents…creepy! Rather we want you to dissect why you like things or people to appear in a certain way. For instance, think about your first crush, or the protagonist from a movie you loved. As you stop and analyze all the whys you’ll notice how you create molds where you want people to fit in, no matter what, and generally that’s what makes you blind to all the possibilities. So, as they say, “let’s break the mold!”
How many times have you complained about not finding a person worth a shot? When we’re single and looking for someone, we turn on our radar to find that person who slightly matches our requirements; however, these elusive individuals are hard to come by because our demands are generally impossible to fulfill.It’s also possible that you’ve dated many people who you thought were totally your type, but have you stopped and asked yourself why things didn’t work out? Let’s face it, we’re just afraid of leaving our comfort zone and experiencing new things, and, of course, a new relationship with someone with a different vision of life. There’s nothing wrong with keeping tabs on the things that are familiar and comforting, but sometimes staying in your comfort zone can be detrimental to your personal growth.
Of course, it can be scary to leave our comfort zone, but it’s the only way we can grow as a person. Besides that, how are you so sure that the mold you were following is actually your type and not just a formula you’ve created? Always remember that there are as many types of people as there are stars in the sky, so if you follow the same pattern then you’ll learn nothing new. Forget the patterns and the molds and dare to meet someone who is new and intriguing. I assure you, it will open up your eyes to new exciting possibilities.
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The photographs illustrating this article belong to Paolo Raeli. If you want to see more of his work take a look at his Instagram page: @paoloraeli
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Sources:
Psych Your Mind
Nylon Magazine