Your heart races. Your senses are heightened. It feels as if you’re walking on air. Falling in love is like living in a daydream. It’s such an addictive sensation that none of us can help but want to find someone to share laughs, kisses, and tender moments with. That being said, for a relationship to work, you need two committed people, not one.
My motto is, “The best love is not the one you look for, but the one that comes to you.” You can’t force someone to have feelings for you, much less for them to love you. Beyond what our heart tells us, we need to be reasonable and accept that perhaps we’re not meant to be with the person we’re falling for.
That being said, when it comes to love we’re hopelessly optimistic in our attempts to win someone over. But we should still keep in mind a couple of things. First and foremost: is our crush interested in commitment? Or are they a free spirit who’s more fulfilled in being unattached? Or is it possible that past experiences have made them afraid of long term relationships?
Here are a few suggestions on how to approach a commitment-phobe during the early stages of dating.
Try to downplay your anxiousness around them
Don’t walk into their lives like a tornado. That will only result in them running away as fast as possible. The more relaxed and casual the whole thing is, the easier it will be for them to ease in.
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Don’t complain when they don’t immediately answer your text
Free souls like to take their time. Perhaps they’re at work, school, or another activity, and can’t get back to you ASAP. They’ll answer in their own time. Don’t cause unnecessary conflict.
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Don’t try to book them in advance
Respect their pace. They might not be used to seeing someone so often. Allow them their space. Ask them out when you feel the timing is right.
Don’t try to force things
If you continuously try casually bump into them, they might feel like you’re cornering or stalking them. Let things flow naturally so they don’t shut the door on you.
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Don’t go overboard on social media
Some people are afraid of commitment because they want to avoid conflict. Social media is usually the culprit of misunderstandings and issues. There’s resentment over tags, mentions, profiles pics, relationship status, etc. Don’t read too much into every post they make, otherwise they’ll just disappear.
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Don’t be immature
Your crush might not be looking forward to starting a relationship. Perhaps the timing is wrong. Try to be sympathetic and respect their wishes, rather than imposing your feelings on them.
As much as we might care for someone, we cannot try and mold their feelings to be the ones we wish they had. The best way to demonstrate what we feel about them is to respect their choices, as heartbreaking as this might be. In the end, we’ll realize that perhaps the two of you weren’t meant to be after all, and you can focus your efforts in finding someone who’s on the same page as you.
What are the real perks of finding your soulmate early in life?
Have you ever heard you’re too good for someone?
Translated by María Suárez
Images by Kat Irling
