How many sleepless nights have you had where all you do is keep thinking about all the things you’ve done and now regret? As the sun rises, your eyes feel gritty and your mouth tastes like sawdust. You still firmly believe there’s still hope, even though this is the worst thing that has happened between the two of you. Your hands itch to pick up the phone and call him, and as you clutch it in your hand you say over and over again, “tomorrow will be the day.”
You already know what will happen: You’ll make up, and then go on pretending you’re happy. You’ll try hard to convince the world that there’s more than sex holding you together. You know you can’t stand each other and routine is what ties you to each other. The relationship has morphed into a loop of co-dependency and every time you drift apart, you scramble and cling to each other. It is a never ending push and pull that has transformed this fairy tale relationship into a night terror.
If the situation above sounds familiar, it’s time to examine your relationship and make a difficult choice. It’s clear that the love has faded away, and what keeps you from letting go is attachment or fear of loneliness. However, a relationship without love will only damage you more with each passing day. Below you’ll find a list of the main reasons why clinging to a relationship that offers nothing but pain is poisonous in the long run.
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1. Frustration is at its peak
Nothing is more frustrating than trying to change someone’s feelings, decisions, or personality. This is not just plain stubbornness, it is also selfishness from your part. When you try to change someone else means you can’t accept them as they are. There is no love involved, and you’re only thinking about yourself. Wanting or willing someone to change is a sisyphusian endeavor.
2. Nothing good will come from this
Clinging to something that just doesn’t work will only cause grief. Love must not involve coercing your partner to make them do or behave how you wish they would. This will only make you feel miserable. For a relationship to work out, you must head to the same direction. If you’ve tried but just can’t, the best thing is to face it and move on before you hurt each other even more.
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3. You’ll miss great opportunities
While you’re wasting your time and energy trying to keep a sinking relationship afloat, other opportunities may be passing you by without you even noticing. If you are so invested in something that clearly doesn’t work, how will you notice other valuable opportunities? Love might as well be knocking at your door somewhere else.
4. Things won’t be the same again
Maybe you’ll get a second chance —either for desperation or pity—, but in time you’ll realize you’re just prolonging the inevitable. The first day will be magical, but as days go by, the true face of the relationship will emerge again. Things won’t be the same, but each difficulty, emotion, and obstacle will be heightened because of the mounting frustration to make things work.
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5. Self-Esteem
You’ll may want to think twice if it is healthy for you to go back to a relationship that is damaging to your self-esteem and that of the other person. Reality is a bitter pill to swallow and both of you will struggle but in the long run it is best to move on. Why stay and damage each other when you can part ways with great lessons you can apply in your next relationship.
6. Loss of purpose
It is easy to lose your way when all your energy is focused on a dying relationship. By clinging to another person you’ll be dragged to places and situations you may not want to be involved in. Sometimes taking a step back can help you find your purpose again.
Now, it’s time to move on, wouldn’t you agree?
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Translated by Andrea Valle Gracia