When we think of depression, our minds immediately go to film depictions and TV advertisements about antidepressant meds. We see that person wearing bath robe all day or lying in bed with the curtains drawn. An image comes to mind of someone who either can’t leave their bedroom or has the most miserable expression while doing mundane tasks, such as going to school and work. Because someone who looks functional and happy can’t actually be depressed or sad, right?
Unlike what typical media narratives show us, it is possible for extroverted people, who smile a lot and are constantly making friends, to be suffering inside. One of my main peeves is when, after hearing that someone has committed or has attempted suicide, there’s always that one comment, “I don’t understand. They looked so happy.” This to me is confusing, since I never knew you could read someone’s thoughts based on their facial expressions. The problem we usually face when talking or understanding depression, as well as just about anything regarding mental illnesses, is that there is a such a stigma and taboo about it that we stick to stereotypes instead of actually trying to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. Mental health professionals call this condition “smiling depression,” and it’s just as dangerous as “regular” form of depression.
People who are going through this problem, also referred to as “high-functioning depression,” can be under excruciating stress, overcoming unresolved grief, or having feelings of hopelessness, yet still seem okay to the outside world. They might feel lonely, sad, anxious, overwhelmed, even suicidal, yet they might still be the center of attention at a party or gathering. In truth, they might not even understand why they feel the way they do because they’re working so hard to suppress all those negative feelings. This can occur when they’ve grown up in a family where the general understanding was that success equals happiness. So, in their minds, they should not be unhappy if they have achieved all this success. They might even feel guilty about their depression if they have overcome poverty or addiction.
But depression, or any mental illness in fact, is not limited to people who look the part. In fact, every one of us is at risk of developing it. This is kind of like when people tell someone who has an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder that they already look really great. This is way bigger than just the version in our collective consciousness. But the problem is that we need to change our idea of what mental illness entails. I mean, if someone told you they had the flu, would you say, “but you don’t look like someone who can catch germs?” Why? Because we know that every person has the ability of getting sick. Yet for some reason we only believe certain people are capable of suffering a mental disorder like depression.
The more we’re able to be open to other people’s feelings and experiences, understanding, and listening before judging and commenting, the more likely we can help those around us. If someone needs to talk to us about what’s going on with them, we should let them speak before saying that we don’t think they’re going through anything at all. Just because someone is gregarious and constantly cracking jokes, because that’s their personality, does not imply that they cannot be going through hardship. Perhaps that person has always been told that asking for help was a sign of weakness. It’s possible that they’re using all the energy they have on keeping an appearance of being functional while drowning on the inside.
When we make the effort of listening to the person reaching out to us, we can actually be of service to them. We can comfort them, tell them that there’s nothing wrong with having certain kinds of thoughts and feelings. We can also support them in finding a professional who can truly help them. If we stop making judgments based on superficial information and try to be compassionate towards others, we could be able to be helpful rather than part of the problem.
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Sources:
Huffington Post
Thought Catalog
Psych Central
Psychology Today
Images by: Alivia Latimer