Sometimes the ground on which we stand is swept from under our feet. We can’t seem to find the words to explain what happened. We’re shaken, distraught, and broken. It’s only as time passes that we’re able to look up and understand what has happened and process it. Mourning is difficult to understand, both when we experience it first hand and when we see someone we love going through it. Each of us has different ways of coping with loss, and when I say mourning and loss, this can be losing someone in a physical as well as emotional way.
A breakup is a death of sorts, since the bond that kept two people together is severed. According to experts such as psychotherapist Tristan Coopersmith, after the end of a relationship, both parties are likely to exhibit symptoms of the mourning process. In fact, the two former partners will each go through their stages of grief. It’s at this point where each person must choose how they’ll deal with their unresolved feelings.
Closure is hard to find. At times there is no definitive explanation or ways to bring clarity to questions regarding why the relationship ended. When the other person is unable or unwilling to communicate what exactly went wrong, we might be left with resentment or uncertainty. But knowing the reasons why things didn’t work out don’t guarantee closure either. Each of us needs to search for a way to process what happens in order to move on with their life.
One way to bring out those feelings and emotions, instead of letting them fester inside us, is to talk about them. You could choose to open up to a family member, friend, or therapist. But what if it’s all too raw for you to talk about this out loud? Well, there’s an alternative way to spill all your thoughts, frustrations, questions, longing, and sadness. You can choose to express all these emotions through a cathartic experience called journaling. It might not appear as a groundbreaking idea and, truth be told, there’s nothing new about writing down your thoughts in a little notebook. Yet sometimes we forget about these little things, particularly when we’re under stress and feeling overwhelmed.
Writing can be a great form of therapy for several reasons, one of them being that we’re more likely to open up to a piece of paper we know nobody else will read. You can set up prompts such as what you’re thinking about that day, what you’re thankful of, if you’re nervous about something, if a random place or event triggered a memory, etc. But if you feel prompts make it feel forced, you can simply write about anything. Setting up a time each day, every other day, or maybe even once a week can help you get started.
When you jot things down, you don’t stop or censor yourself, and let things flow. You can choose to read your notes later on; however, the true importance of writing everything down is so that you feel a release of whatever’s bottled up inside. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to never open up the diary ever again. You can lock it up somewhere or destroy it afterwards. This isn’t meant to be published or shared with anyone. It’s not like you’ll tell everyone you know what you and your therapist talk about. This is your version of therapy, meant to help heal the wounds that are still not quite closed yet.
Feel safe and open up. You might realize there are thoughts waiting to come out.
Are you shy or introverted?
Arctic Monkeys and Ancient Greece’s Idea of Love
Sources:
She knows
Psychology Today
Gurl
