Living in this interconnected reality, we are constantly getting mixed messages about everything. We should try to be a particular way, but not go overboard, because we don’t want to look desperate/stupid/ridiculous/overexcited. We’re pushed and pulled in a million directions that tell us to suppress our instincts while following our hearts. Which brings us to being needy. Film and TV depictions of this type of person always have a negative connotation. If the protagonist has this trait, then they’ll spend the entire storyline fixing this problem. If this is a minor character encountered, they’re shown as being pitiful little creatures unable to survive the real and cruel world. So, for purposes of honesty, I’ll start with my own confession: I’m a needy person, but I don’t see this as a bad thing. Yes, I’ll admit I’m one of those weirdoes that is shown as flawed and slightly deranged (aren’t we all?). Still, I’ve never been able to relate to any of the depictions of the needy one.
Despite what Hollywood continues to peddle, being needy does not mean your insecurities have taken a hold of you. It doesn’t imply that our entire life is in someone else’s hands. It means that there are moments when the burden of the everyday gets to be too much, and when you reach this level of anxiety, you just wish, for a moment, that someone else could help you carry this heavy load. We’re not handing off our troubles to the other person. We’re not expecting our life to be our own big glittery rainbow parade. We’re not placing all of our expectations on one human. All we ask is for that person to stand by us while we try to understand what’s happening around us.
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Perhaps the issue with being needy is not necessarily with those who require a little more support and love. It could be a result of our current society, which places higher value on being so independent to the point where we feel we don’t want or need anyone, even if deep down we do. The problem with being needy is that open vulnerability causes repulsion by others because it reminds them that they also feel like that sometimes. It’s not to say that being one way or the other is the ideal. It’s not. Those of us who often feel like we need a hug to get through our day can learn from uber-independent beings who strap on their armor before tackling the hard stuff. On the other hand, those wearing that stainless steel protection around their hearts can allow themselves a moment of vulnerability instead of trying to do it all on their own.
While being completely vulnerable all the time is not very practical, it’s a little silly pretending to have an entirely different nature at the start of a relationship in order to get to the point where it all pours out. We can’t all be fortresses. But just because we’re a little too open about ourselves does not mean we can’t get anything done without someone telling us that they have our back. In fact, needy people tend to shy away from forming new relationships or acquaintances because trusting someone is a big deal. We hold on to the people we know we can trust, perhaps too much, because we fear what someone else could do with all this information about us. There’s nothing quite as defeating as opening up about a situation that was awkward, bizarre, or embarrassing, only to be responded with an eye roll or a shrug.
Something to keep in mind is that being needy is to carry that hope that the person we’re with is trustworthy and kind. Sounds ridiculous, right? In a world where we’re constantly told to run for cover and avoid getting too involved, needy ones are optimistically trying to do the complete opposite while still achieving a positive outcome. So next time you find yourself at a crossroads regarding whether to cut this person off based on their neediness, consider the fact that they’ve chosen you as someone they can share this with. You can ghost them. You can think it’s weird. Or you can be thankful even if you know it won’t work out. The one thing you probably shouldn’t do is be indifferent. Even if your heart is coated in ice, the least you can do is to be receptive before letting the person know you’re not comfortable with this. What matters is that you actually communicate so the other person can understand what’s going on.
It’s always important to be open with others instead of cutting off the conversation. Here are two words that are probably ruining your chance at having a better relationship. Do you idealize your partner way too much? How can you know if you’re in love or just infatuated?