What do you use social media for?
a) To keep in touch with friends
b) To stay connected with everything that’s happening in the world
c) To spill all your venom and bitterness
d) All of the above.
Answer honestly.
Social media has become an essential part of our lives. Frankly, I think I spend about a third of my day wasting my time on it. And by that I mean literally scrolling through, even if I’ve already seen those posts. I really can’t remember what it was like to wait for the bus, the elevator, a doctor’s appointment, or even just sitting on the couch, when we didn’t have access to Facebook. In a way I think we’ve become addicted to not being alone, to always feeling engaged with other people who, at the same time, are connected for the same reasons. No matter how much or how little you use Facebook, many see it as an extension of our social life, even when it has its own rules and nature.
But going back to the question I posed, it’s most likely you chose either of the first options, although secretly it’s feasible you chose the last option. Why am I that certain? Because, at least once, we have used social media to complain about something. Whether it’s to disagree with someone or just to rant about a subject. And the reason behind that is that it feels quite nice. If Facebook becomes an extension of our life, then it’s a place where we can share all our emotions, right? Think about how you react to certain things in your real life. Whenever we’re bursting in rage, we know it’s not socially acceptable to start yelling at people or breaking things. It happens, but somehow we know we have to control ourselves. Then enters Facebook. Here, there are basically no rules when it comes to behavior. There might be some censorship and –supposedly– rules to follow, but in the end, we know it’s a place filled with rage and hatred.
So, why do we prefer to pour our negativity on social media? For starters, as I said, it feels nice. It’s a therapeutic method to release all those emotions we have inside in a, let’s say, safer way. According to psychologist Ryan Martin (University of Wisconsin), at the core of internet ranting and why it feels so satisfying is because it provides a sense of validation. As social creatures, this is essential to our development. So, if you were to scream on the street about something that’s making you angry, the most likely scenario is that people would look at you thinking you’re crazy. However, when you do it on the Internet, at least one person will engage in your conversation and make you feel that your rage is understandable. That support is essential to increasing our self-esteem.
Yes, Facebook and social media have become our shelter to express what we feel we can’t in real life, and it’s completely understandable. We want to vent. Writing them on our timeline eases our discomfort. But what happens when this release surpasses its therapeutic function? What if you feel so comfortable playing that role that you just become one of those obnoxious beings that rant about everything they feel they have the right to express? Then it becomes problematic, and that’s actually what we’ve been facing as a society in recent times.
Think about validation once again. According to Dr. Larry Rosen (California State University), real-life empathy is six times more effective than digital one. Rejection and negativity are felt equally in both mediums. So, basically what happens is that most people don’t even care about releasing minor everyday discomforts. Instead, they focus on pouring out all their venom and toxicity on social media to hurt and attack people, and those attacks are perceived and felt the same as if you were shouting them on their faces. The problem here is that unlike happiness, which is not that shareable (as we could wish), anger can spread so fast that it makes a lot of people engage in these behaviors. Think about it. We’re basically egocentric beings, who look after our own happiness. Yes, we can feel good about a friend or a relative’s success, but it doesn’t really have the same effect as connecting to someone’s anger.
In that way, this fast kindling phenomenon accompanied with anger gets even more problematic when we add the anonymity social media provides, which increases the hatred. The issue here is that these attitudes of ranting, seeking validation from others, and anonymity, make us feel empowered, and thus addicted to it. So, we want more and we make of it a constant in our digital behavior. As a consequence, we start taking this to real life, where we won’t get the validation we seek and so on. It becomes a vicious circle.
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Take a look at these:
Couples Who Do This On Facebook Might Not Have The Best Relationship
6 Things We Would Enjoy More If We Live Without Facebook
5 Awful Truths About Facebook We Are Reluctant To See
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