We all remember the heartbreaking story of Tom and Summer in 500 Days of Summer. I must confess that when I first watched it, I thought Summer was cold blooded and mean. I’m not a huge fan of this kind of movie but my sister is, so naturally, I had to re-watch it a couple of times and after two other movie marathons, I finally understood that I was wrong about her; the real problem in the relationship was Tom. Let me explain. From the start of the “relationship” she’s very clear about her intentions. At that time she doesn’t really believe in love and she tells him she’s not looking for anything formal. When they breakup, Tom becomes obsessed with her and makes her the center of his life, even when she’s no longer there. Yes, he’s heartbroken, but it’s not Summer’s fault.
Sometimes when we’re in a relationship with someone we really like, we tend to see ourselves with them for the rest of our lives, not caring about what the other person wants, feels, or thinks. There are people who just don’t believe in that kind of relationships or are just not interested in having a formal relationship with us, and that’s fine, as long as they’re honest with us from the start. Now, the problem comes when that person, who isn’t really that into us, reassures us that we’re in a serious relationship but in fact show the exact opposite. Facing reality can be hard, especially if we are completely infatuated with them, but believe me, whenever you spot a sign of disinterest is enough warning sign that the relationship is slowly coming to an end.
We all have to deal with a relationship like this at some point in our lives. It took me so much time to realize I wasn’t a priority for that person. Now, here are some of the reasons I gave myself to understand I was better by myself than being latched onto an empty relationship.
I’d rather spend my time watching Netflix series than wasting time with someone who doesn’t care.I deserve someone who’s sure about wanting to be with me; life is already too confusing without having to add even more uncertainty into the mix.
I want to be with someone who takes me seriously.I’m not willing to be attached to someone who doesn’t put the same interest in me. I want to be with someone I share a special connection with.
I want to feel safe and comfortable sharing my time with that person and those I hold close to my heart. I don’t want to spend my days waiting for a text I already know I won’t receive.I might not know for sure what I want, but I know the things that hurt me.
Drunk demonstrations of love aren’t worth it.I want to be sure that there’s a person that’s there for me when I need them.I prefer spending my time on something important than be with someone who doesn’t consider me as such.
I’d rather pour all my love into myself than in someone who won’t appreciate it.I have better things to do than being stressing about a relationship with no future.I want to be free to plan my days instead of waiting to see if that person wants to spend time with me.
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Sometimes it’s not only that person’s fault. Like Tom, we can also be obsessed with that person and be constantly fantasizing about potential scenarios. No matter what happens, we always have to think of our ourselves first and be at peace in order to be complete and love someone else fully. Also, it’s very likely to be tempted to go back with that person because we still have feelings for them, but remember that if you broke up once it was for a good reason. And let’s be honest, people don’t change so easily.
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Images by Nøah Wølfe: @50pts
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