The Soulmate Myth
We were perfect, impenetrable; our spheric shape protected our back and sides, and we thought ourselves eternal. Four arms, four legs and a single head, and our hearts beating as one: this was our original shape. We felt invincible, so we climbed to the heavens and challenged the gods. Zeus, outraged by our affront and audacity, hurled a thunderbolt that ripped us in half. We were forever separated, and we were taken back to earth and cursed to find our other half. We felt a glimmer of hope that we would reunite again and fill the void inside of us.
Finally, we found each other again, and with urgency we tied our limbs together, but we realized too late that we needed our limbs to survive and eat, so we began to perish, none of us were capable of living without the other.
This myth of the soulmate began with Plato’s Symposium, where he explored Aristophanes’ theory of the human race: he believed the perfect, spherical shape of mankind was broken in half and was cursed by Zeus to wander the earth searching for their other lost part of the soul.
This myth has become a reality because today the ideas we have about love and relationships revolve around our need to find our better half and be fused together to form a perfect whole. True love is about burying away selfishness, forgetting self-interest, and sharing with each other precious moments.
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Manias
Being in love doesn’t mean you have to adopt the manias of your partner. If they cannot let go of compulsive behavior, constantly repeat a phrase or gesture, or have important vices, it doesn’t mean you have to assimilate them as part of your personality to prove to someone you accept and love them as they are.
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Friendships
Some couples have known each other for years, and as a result they share the same group of friends, but let us be realistic here; it’s impossible for their best friends to become your own at the same time. If things go south and they don’t go the way you wanted them to, you will need your own circle of friends for support.
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Hobbies
Sharing special and meaningful moments is one of the best aspects of a relationship, but having identical tastes, hobbies, activities, and ways of thinking will turn your relationship monotonous. An important aspect of a relationship consists of learning new things and exchanging information, which is why it is important to have different interests and hobbies. A good idea is to accompany each other or share some activities you enjoy, but this is very different to doing everything together.
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Work or classes
Think twice before getting involved with someone with whom you spend a lot of time together, either in school or work. There is nothing wrong with knowing what goes on in your partner’s life, since communication is key to any healthy relationship, but spending so many hours together can be tiring and you’ll end up getting bored of each other.
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Personal Hygiene
You might find it funny sharing a tooth brush, razor, earphones or sometimes the same underwear, but this will become a problem in the long run. In the first place, it is completely unhygienic, and secondly, these are personal objects that each person should be responsible for.
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Passwords
There are those who are unafraid to share their darkest secrets or fears because for them this complicity ties them together as a couple. However, not having a minimum of privacy makes it easy to lose your own identity. The password of your cellphone, social media, and even your bank details are exclusively yours and should not be shared with anyone. If you want to control your partner, obviously there is a trust issue both of you should work on, and if you fall under the routine of sharing this private information, then the relationship is heading to murky and unhealthy waters. Each has a right to their own privacy, and it is their decision whether they share their information with you or not.
Respecting the limits of individuality is a priority in order to have a healthy relationship based on love, because possessiveness will make you cross the line from attention and care to obsession.
Always maintain your own opinions and build your own reality for you to freely share it with someone you value and respect. Don’t imitate your partner; this won’t make them fall in with you. Instead, the relationship will become boring for both of you. If trust has been broken, it can take time to be rebuilt, but always maintaining a sense of selfhood and individuality.
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Remember the perfect lovers ended up dying of hunger because of their selfishness. You cannot tie another to your life and expect them to thrive. You are both individual beings sharing a path together.
