When I was in high school, there was a married couple of teachers that many of us saw as relationship goals. We were convinced that they were meant for each other: they had similar tastes, yet completely opposite personalities, which they said was great because they complemented each other. Sometimes when we had classes with one of them, they’d mention cute anecdotes about married life or about their first dates, and we would all go, “awwww.” Some of us would melt when we saw them leaving together holding hands, even having a quick kiss once in while, as if they didn’t want others to witness the love we all knew the two of them shared. That’s why I couldn’t believe it when I first heard one of them had cheated. I was never told who had cheated or when it happened, but anyway, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, for me they were THE couple, and they seemed to be deeply in love with each other, no matter how many decades they’d been together. They always come to my mind whenever I hear someone asking the question, “is it possible to repair your relationship after you’ve been cheated on?”
According to a study from the National Center for Biotechnology Information, one in five partners in monogamous relationships in the US have cheated at least once. So, although it doesn’t mean that almost all relationships will go through an episode of infidelity, the likelihood of it happening might make you ask yourself whether that would be a deal-breaker for you or if you’d still do everything possible to save your relationship. There is no right or wrong in these decisions. However, what is true is that being cheated on doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship won’t work anymore. There are many factors you can consider to see whether you’re willing to make an effort to heal the relationship or it’s time to end things once and for all.
Being honest is essential
Whether your partner told you they were unfaithful or you caught them, the pain of being cheated on is the same. Nonetheless, it’s important for you to listen to their version of the story. But apart from listening to your partner, it’s also necessary for you to speak your mind and let them know your feelings about what happened. Honesty from both sides is key to work in the healing process of the relationship.
At this stage, any promise or statement like, “I won’t do it again,” “I still love you,” “I’m sorry,” or “It was nothing” won’t mean anything to the one who was hurt. The two of you will have to rebuild the trust in your relationship, which will mean proving their loyalty through actions rather than words. This also implies commitment from your partner to stop seeing the person they cheated with.
Self-assessment is very important
Most of the time, infidelity is a symptom of a problem in the relationship. Perhaps the dynamics between the two of you had become dull or your partner was feeling lonely. This doesn’t justify the infidelity, but it can be a way to find out what the both of you can improve in the relationship to make things better and even create a stronger, more honest relationship. Nevertheless, this also implies an effort from your partner to make things better. As for you, you can ask yourself whether this is the first and only time you’ll forgive this, or if it’s the last straw in your relationship, so it would be better to end the relationship for good. Be honest with yourself and see whether you’re willing to save the relationship because you truly believe it’s worth saving or because you’re afraid of being alone. In any case, your well-being must be a priority, because in the end, you’ve been hurt and you’re the most important person you should take care of. If that relationship will be a constant reopening of wounds, it’s better to rip off the band aid and move on.
The pain of being cheated on is not something you can erase from one day to the next. However, when it happens, especially if it’s the first time, it’s better to forget about all those sayings like “once a cheater, always a cheater.” When both parties want to move on from such a serious issue, it’s possible to forgive and improve together. As I heard in the case of my high school teachers, both of them made an effort to make things work, to find out what were the issues in the relationship that led to infidelity, and be more honest with each other, which ended up not only healing the wound, but strengthening their relationship. An infidelity has the possibility of being the end of the relationship, or on the contrary, a challenge that will strengthen your bonds as a couple. It’s up to both of you to see which of these paths is the best for you.
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You might be interested in these:
5 Honest Truths Of Why People Decide To Cheat
Honest And Unguarded Reasons Why I Decided To Cheat
Infidelity And Wanderlust: Why Do We Still Cheat
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Photos by marcellalaine
