You’re on the highway and suddenly realize you’re running on empty. Then suddenly you see a sign letting you know you won’t find yourself stranded in the middle of the road. You take the first available exit and see that gas station like an oasis in the middle of the Sahara. You’re able to refill your tank, take a potty break, maybe even get a coffee. Road stops are great for long haul trips, but if they’re reminding you of the current status of your relationship, it might be time to set things straight.
If you feel like you and your partner have different goals or ideas on where your relationship is going, it’s possible you’re in a road stop situation. This is when one or both parties feel like they’re comfortable with the person they’re with, but are already looking for a new relationship with someone else. This can happen for a number of reasons, a main one being loneliness and social pressure.
Say you’ve been single for a while. Then you notice all your friends have changed their Facebook status to anything other than single. You start seeing all their happy couple faces on their Instagram. They invite you to dinner parties where you’re the only party of one. Eventually this takes a toll and you choose to date someone. This person you’re going out with might not have been your first choice of a romantic match. Yet they help you fill out the blank spaces and chairs, while you find someone more to your liking. Yeah, I know, it sounds terrible but, admit it, we’ve all done it one way or another. In the very least we resorted to this devious plan when we did not want to be the one solo bridesmaid at your college roommate’s wedding who’d be harassed by one of the drunk groomsmen.
However, this kind of road stop relationship could lead to attachment from either side, which can bring trouble in the form of one person wanting to evolve into a more serious arrangement while the other just wants to find the nearest exit. It seem inevitable that someone will get hurt, perhaps even the person who came up with this plan. The trouble with assuming that things are just temporary and that nobody will develop real feelings for the other person is naïve, considering that spending time together could lead to someone forming a real attraction and desire to pursue further.
There’s another kind of road stop relationship. This one works in reverse to the aforementioned one. It starts with a seemingly normal relationship. Two people like each other, they get together, and everything seems to be on the right track. But eventually the honeymoon phase disappears and routine rules their lives. One or both could start looking for a new exciting start while still remaining together. The ship isn’t exactly sinking, yet at least one sailor is already thinking they need a lifeboat in case there’s a new storm ahead.
The problem with this situation is the constant search for thrills. If you feel like your relationship isn’t worth it if there’s no excitement, then you might end up hoping from one partner to the next without ever getting to know the other person. The other downside is that nobody will get the chance to know you because you’ll be heading for a new adventure before even finishing the one you’re in.
In the journey of finding love, road stops are necessary. After all, you need time for yourself. To think things through and discover what you truly want. However, eventually you’ll need to find a city or town. You’ll need shelter and actual food that’s not cooked in the gas station’s microwave. Road stops help you on your way, but they can’t sustain you. Eventually, you’re going to have to choose whether you want to live your life on the road or actually start finding a place to call home. But just because you find one doesn’t mean it’s forever. Like homes, people come in and out of our lives when we least expect it. But just because nothing is certain doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.
You can choose what kind of love you want for yourself. Whether it’s one built on convenience, boredom, or trust, is up to you. It’s important that you realize where you are and what you have so you can decide how to fix it or change it.
Images by Laurken Kendall
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