(Fiction)
It’s a Saturday night and you’re sitting on the floor next to the door. You told you’re friends you’d meet them. You thought you could do this. You took a shower, wore that outfit you bought last week, did your makeup, and now you’re all set. And yet there’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach keeping you from leaving.
What if you get there first and have to wait?
What if nobody shows up?
What if you end up wishing you’d never gone?
As interested as you are in heading out, you stay there wondering about all the possibilities that this night might go wrong.
You stay there for a while until you change into your pajamas and go back to watching a show on your Netflix.
You tell yourself that you’ll do it next time and just hope for the best.
(End of fiction)
What’s the difference in being a little nervous about meeting new people or being in a crowded place and actually feeling paralyzed when only thinking about being placed in that situation? According to Dr. Thomas Richards, director of the Social Anxiety Institute, social anxiety “is the fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance.”
This problem is more common than we think, since there’s not one way it manifests. While some people might have a general anxious reaction towards being around others, there are those who will only feel this way in a particular situation, such as speaking in public or finding themselves surrounded by people they’ve never met before.
In 1987, psychiatrist Michael Liebowitz, one of the first medical researchers to delve into social anxiety, then most commonly referred to as social phobia, created a test to determine whether or not a person was suffering from this kind of disorder. The point system could also determine where they where on the spectrum. The curious thing about this quiz is that not only does someone need to measure whether they fear a situation from none at all (0) to in severe manner (3), they also need to count on what level do they avoid being placed in that particular predicament.
When we look at these questions we realize that, while some of us have a slight tendency towards being anxious in social situations, the digital era has made us even more terrified of doing things such as calling for a pizza instead of ordering from our app; you might not even want to go outside when all you need is indoors. This last statement isn’t meant to downplay the seriousness of this kind of anxiety, it’s only intended to explain why some people might go as far as claiming they have this when they probably fall relatively low on the spectrum. We might feel like we can’t bear the thought of being around people, but we can do it. However, people who actually do have this disorder can’t do this, even if they tried really hard.
So what are some of these questions?
“Eating in public.”
“Calling someone you don’t know very well.”
“Working while being observed.”
“Entering a room when others are already seated.”
“Taking a test of your ability, skill, or knowledge.”
“Expressing disagreement or disapproval with someone you don’t know very well.”
“Returning goods to a store for a refund.”
“Resisting a high pressure salesperson.”
As you can see from some of these sample questions, someone who has this problem will likely feel trapped in situations they shouldn’t have to be in. They’ll struggle to try and find a way out of problems they don’t exactly know how they found themselves in. They might not even be able to defend themselves during moments that others would just brush off.
You can take the test on this website to determine where you are on the social anxiety scale. If you find yourself pretty deep in there, remember this is not a dead end. The Social Anxiety Institute has several different outlets to help people overcome these issues or at least be able to have a better grasp on them.
It’s not about jumping into the pool to get over your fear, but possibly dipping your toe first and going for the closest ladder to make your way into the water. We all have issues to deal with and there’s nothing wrong with trying to get to know yourself a little better to understand the things in your life that don’t make sense sometimes.
You might be interested in reading about:
The downsides of being an empath
Why you should try and understand that person you say is needy.
Sources:
Social Anxiety Institute
Social Anxiety Support
