There’s nothing more painful than keeping contact with the person who broke your heart. While it’s true that time heals everything, if you refuse to try to move on, you’ll never be able to close that wound. You know you can’t keep communicating with the person you used to talk to all the time, the first person you thought about when you woke up, and the last before going to sleep.
You’ve managed to spend days without calling them and, although that’s a huge step, that won’t be enough to heal your heart. You have to be brave to avoid any temptation. Yes, it will be hard and painful. But the road will be more simple if you accept your reality and rely on the people you love.
Learn how to do so through squealing, a technique that consists in filling those moments of stubbornness and desperation with doses of reality. This technique will allow you to build a healthier environment that will help you overcome a breakup in a natural way, without falling into a downward spiral which can be harder to escape from. Here are 6 steps to follow this technique:
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1. Have a support system
This has nothing to do with all those group therapy sessions. You just need to gather at least three people you fully trust, those that have been with you through the tough times. Think of your best friend, your roommate, a family member, or anyone you share a special bond with.
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2. Tell them your main concern
Once your group is selected, approach them individually and tell them your first concern: “Sometimes I feel vulnerable. I need your help to prevent me from calling him or thinking about him,” or, “I need to know I’m going to be fine without him and I know you can assure it.” What matters the most is to let them know what you’re going through and why you need their help during this difficult moment. You just need some time to explain your concerns. If you do this first squealing right, you’ll be closer to achieving inner peace.
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3. Keep your mind busy in your own reality
Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to occupy yourself with vain activities in order to distract yourself from thinking of your ex. On the contrary, you must be fully aware that this relationship has no salvation to gradually close the cycle. Accept any invitation from your friends, go out, and do everything you wanted but couldn’t do when you were in a relationship.
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4. Squealing: express your moments of weakness
This is the most important part and the one you’ve been preparing for. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to avoid getting in touch with him, at some point, you’ll want to contact him. Perhaps you had a couple of drinks. Maybe nostalgia and the heat of the moment encourage you to call them. You dreamt about them and woke up anxious to text them. You listened to that special song, and you find yourself with your phone in your hand ready to dial. This is the key moment. So before making a huge mistake, you must contact one of the members of your support team instead of calling him.
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5. Have a good cry and express everything you have inside
It gets hard to see beyond the storm. Tell your friends why you’re feeling that way and why you feel the urge to call your ex in that moment of desperation. Think and answer objectively: What were you going to say? What’s the point? Would it change things? You really thought it was a good idea or was it an outburst of anxiety? Your friends are out of this torment, so they can give you a fair point of view. Listen to their advice and remember: they care about you.
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6. Learn from those moments
Once you realize how stupid it would’ve been to call your ex, peace will come back to your life. You’ll feel relieved and strong. It was only a lapse you can overcome if you want to. With every failed attempt of calling him, those urges will weaken. One day you’ll see that you’ve moved on from that need to keep in touch with that person.
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Learn how to distinguish between reality and fantasy with these 10 Signs You’re No Longer In Love With The Person You’re With. Free yourself from all that energy left with these tips to Detox Your Post-Breakup Sexual Energy.
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Translated by María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards
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