It was love at first sight. The first time I saw Jeffree Star, I fell madly in love with him. Here he was, the Beyoncé of makeup and YouTube makeup tutorials. As I decided to embark on this adventure, Jeffree’s piercing blue eyes looked straight at me like he knew what I was up to.
I had hitherto been a straight guy (whatever that means) going about my own business, not really caring about makeup. Attempting to grow a beard for the past years was as far as I went in terms of putting stuff on my face. But fate had marked yours truly for a bigger, nobler task.
Lucy, the Dope or Nope co-hostess needed somebody. Not just anybody. She needed a hero. He had to be strong, and he had to be fast, and he had to be clueless about makeup.
Well, that sounds an awful lot like me, said I, at least the clueless part.
The mission: become a makeup artist in a matter of seconds by watching a Jeffree Star tutorial video and then attempt to replicate his artistry on an innocent strong independent woman who don’t need any man but who was willing to be part of an experiment just for the LOLs.
So I got on my feet and volunteered, and I went into that recording room with every intention of not making a fool of myself. Mission accomplished.
So I sat down with Carolina, my Virgil for the day, if you will, who guided me through the process: being in front of a camera whilst holding brushes on someone else’s face. Sit down, she said, watch this. I had crossed the Rubicon. And before I knew it, I had a laptop before me and was hitting the play button.
As I watched the Jeffree Star tutorial to look Hollywood AF, I became instantly bewildered by the amount of product he was putting on himself. Not just how much stuff, but how many available options there actually were and how each had a specific function.
There’s bronzers, concealers, contour powder or creams, eyelash glue, eyebrow pencils (which look exactly like what you would expect: pencils), eye primer, face powder, face primer, foundation, highlight, lipgloss, lip-balms, liners, primers and sticks, mascara, nail polish, rouge, blush or blusher, setting spray and even makeup remover. What? I thought that last one was called water.
Carolina, I asked baffled, “Do you do this? Often?” Yes, she answered matter-of-factly, and soon enough I was up next and thrown into the control room. So I went into that table where pencils, brushes, lotions, and face paint or whatever, laid spread out before me. Suddenly it was like walking into an airplane cabin, surrounded by buttons that could land me safely or blow me up to pieces.
Did I know what I was doing? No. Had I paid enough attention to Jeffree? No. But I was there, and I wasn’t going down without a fight.
Well, I guess you could say I nailed it.But if you don’t believe me. See it for yourself.
Ok. The truth is mistakes were made. And what started as my very own Birth of Venus quickly turned into a Frida Kahlo self-portrait. Now I know why there’s a quote-un-quote makeup remover, which Lucy was going to need. And lots of it.
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