Love is perhaps the most commonly used word in the planet. Not only do we love being in love, but we experience it many times and in different ways. The world revolves around love, and it would be an empty place without it. But sometimes that pure form of love has an urgency attached to it. It becomes rigid and full of a negativity that only justifies our dependency on our significant other.
If we wish to be part of a healthy relationship, we need to learn to distinguish between emotional dependency and love.
Learn to love yourself
If we see our partner as someone who fills the emptiness inside our souls and as a distraction from any unresolved emotional baggage, we’re on the brink of being emotionally dependent. To truly love someone we first need to discover and understand what love is with the person we spend our entire day with: ourselves. It’s easier to self-sabotage as well as have a list of all our less-than-perfect qualities. But if we focus that energy on finding what our strengths are, as well as putting them to good use, we’ll be on our way to improving our relationships.
Use your heart
The word heart is never far from the word love. It’s that place where all kinds of positive feelings such as empathy and kindness come from. But it can also be where we might find a negativity that can confuse us into not working on any issues that might arise. Try to reach deep within to find what you truly want.
Don’t expect anything
Social anthropologists often describe the unspoken contracts in a relationship. We give our love to someone and expect, in return, all our expectations to be met. And when that person does not succeed in giving us everything we want, we’ll get angry at them for not being the imagined ideal we had in mind. Our insecurities will come out to try and turn our relationship into a game of manipulation because of our fear of not being loved. We should change our view of love as a way to get what we want and see it as a way to satisfy our heart.
Let things go
We might not even notice when we’ve created mental barriers around those we love. True love means to love someone for who they already are, without the need to try and mold them into who we wish they were. The best gift you can give to your significant other is the ability to grow and reach their full potential. This could imply you actively helping them achieve their goals, but it can also mean stepping out of the way and letting them fly.
Patience and forgiveness are the greatest strengths
Both of these are vital for love to flourish. In order to forgive, you need to look beyond their imperfections and appreciate their true qualities. Love will always go hand in hand with recognizing their inner beauty. Once we’re able to see and appreciate it, we might be able to prevent that person’s mishaps from happening again.
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