In 2016, The Eve Appeal, a British charity raising awareness on gynaecological cancers, did a survey that showed how half of the female population could not identify a vagina on a medical diagram. They actually had an easier time locating the different parts of male genitalia, but there’s a chance that this was because they are external organs. However, when I hear about these problems, my thoughts go to the consequences of this ignorance towards our own bodies. If we’re so unfamiliar with our own physical structure, how can we be expected to identify the parts that might not be as easy to find?
Blame television, porn, women’s magazines, or just expectations in general, but one thing’s for sure: from the first sexual experiences women feel an immense pressure to orgasm. There’s tips, suggestions, spots, positions, and yet, it all seems to be a lot to remember or keep in mind during the encounter. We’ve heard of the G Spot, and recently we’re also being told about an A and a K Spot, as well as several others. But what is the point of these regions and how can they truly help us in terms of reaching a full orgasm?
In order to decode all this information, we called upon the help of sex therapist Ana Torres, to unravel all the information about these spots.
“When we hear about the G spot, the A spot, the K spot, even clitoral stimulation, what we’re really talking about are strategies that can help us reach orgasm. But when we start chasing after the orgasm, we’re actually speeding up to end our pleasure and desire. I feel like in recent years we’ve started talking about female pleasure through spots, as if they were buttons, kind of like we were reading a machine manual for boosting sexual satisfaction.”
According to Ana, there’s a couple things we should keep in mind when we attempt to find or use these pleasure spots:
Don’t rush.
“I think that if a woman does not allow herself enough time for arousal, for her body to flush, for each of her pores to be turned on, for her nipples to harden, and for her natural lubrication to happen; if she does not have the opportunity to be receptive to pleasure from the very start, it will be very difficult for her to reach a full orgasm.”
If you’re thinking too much, you’re going to miss out.
“Anxiety and pleasure can often become opposing forces. It’s a very counterproductive response within a sexual encounter, where we’re sharing this moment of self-love and pleasure with this other person. When we talk about sexual dysfunctions, specifically those that are related with not reaching orgasm, we’re talking about individuals who are often more focused on pushing all the buttons and proving to their partner that they’re a good lover, that they miss out on enjoying the moment and connecting with the sensations they could be experiencing.”
There’s more than one way to orgasm.
“I find it fascinating when people claim that orgasm can only be achieved through the clitoris, or solely through the vagina. Especially because there are plenty who’ve experienced pleasure, and even reached orgasm, through the stimulation of other regions of the body that are not part of this genital-centric vision of pleasure.”
You don’t need a new collection of sex toys to get there.
“I sometimes wonder whether those toys are geared towards women or are created for a partner to use them on a woman. I’m talking about this belief that there needs to be some sort of penetration during a sexual encounter for a woman to reach pleasure. It’s almost as if an encounter doesn’t count if nothing’s going into the vagina. It’s an interesting concept.”
Stop looking for a roadmap.
“I think one of the reasons why there’s no clear map for the G, A, or K Spots, is that there’s not enough evidence to dictate their specific location. Each woman might experience or locate them in a different way.”
There are no shortcuts.
“We need to stop looking for these three-step guides and how-to’s on pleasure. Pleasure is a path related to how we feel towards ourselves. When we follow these quick manuals, where everything is at the end of a checklist or following a recipe, we’re missing the point.”
Climaxing with intention.
“When we ask ourselves what we’re looking for in a sexual encounter, in an orgasm, we can discover what we’re really chasing after. Am I looking to satisfy or impress my partner? Am I trying to prove I can be a good lover? Or do I want to experience a new sensation in my body?”
I think that what Ana is trying to tell us is that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to pleasure. What works for one person might not necessarily do the same for another. Each of us has our own journey that comes with self-discovery and acceptance. Before we can reach the peak of pleasure, we need to get comfortable with the fact that it might not be the way we thought it was, but that doesn’t mean it cannot be amazing. You can get in touch with Ana Torres through her social media page.
Images by Tina Maria Elena
