4 Ways To Stop First Date Sexism

You told yourself you’d never agree to do something like this. For months your life has become way more calm, more “adult.” You’ve been single for so long, that you’ve completely forgotten the nervousness and anxiety of waiting for a text or a phone call.

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You’ve grown to love your own independent life. To decide what you want to do. You like going to the movies or going out to dinner without having to consider anyone else’s schedules or tastes. While your mind rambles on this philosophical dissertation, the waiter asks you if you want another drink or if you’re waiting for someone. Out of distraction your mouth unconsciously answers: “Another drink, please.”

And there you are, waiting for a stranger your friend insisted on setting you up with. Without noticing it, your hands start sweating, you’re nervous and afraid of not knowing what to say or how to behave.

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There are no handbooks to teach us what’s appropriate and what isn’t on a first date. You feel like the moments before a test at school. While it’s true that there are no set rules on how to behave, there are sexist ideas and stereotypes we all have when it comes to a blind date. Here are some ways to notice and avoid them.

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1. Paying the bill

Many people consider that when a man pays the bill he’s demonstrating a kind of domination towards the woman he’s inviting. This depends entirely on the context and is not a yes or no situation. It can be a simple act of generosity but you’re always free to refuse the offering if you feel that this action violates your integrity.

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You could choose to split the bill into equal parts but it all depends on the circumstances. You can even pay the whole bill if you feel more comfortable doing so. We definitely should stop encouraging the stereotype of men having to always get the check. The most important thing is to talk about it without being afraid of expressing your opinions. It doesn’t matter who pays, as long as both are comfortable with the decision.

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2. Sex on the first date

It’s very common to hear or believe that having sex on the first date will mean you won’t hear from the other person again. Some women might not want to engage in sexual intercourse but agree because they worry their date will think they’re prudes. Forget all about those myths. Whether you choose to go ahead or not, you shouldn’t worry about what others might think. If you feel comfortable, go or don’t go for it.

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The opinions of others opinions should not be the guide regarding decisions we make about our body. You are the only one who can analyze the situation. Whatever you choose, the important thing is to express it in an honest way.

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3. Your behavior

If you like this person, you’ll probably be cautious about making a good impression. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. There’s no point in putting on a show because, if it does evolve into a relationship, your true self will eventually come out.

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Don’t limit yourself when talking about politics, art, religion, astrology, fashion, or whatever subject you want because you’re afraid of causing a bad impression on your date. People can tell when you’re being honest or just playing a character. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about who you are only to impress someone else.

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4. You’re outfit

It’s true that the way we dress says a lot about our personality. Nowadays, many women choose to avoid wearing certain items so they don’t have to endure some kind of physical or verbal violence on the street. This is ridiculous because we should have the right to wear whatever we want, whenever we want to.

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The media has had an entire narrative on what’s appropriate to wear on first dates. But showing off your curves must be your choice not anyone else’s.

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At the end of the day, the idea is to have a good time. Don’t let your insecurities dominate your life. While it’s true that we can’t change the world in a second, making decisions for ourselves is a great step to breaking down stereotypes telling women to behave in a particular way. We can stop sexism by being open about our desires and needs, as well as being able to express them in a clear manner.

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