It’s amazing how one moment we’re dreaming up our whole life next to one person. We crown them in a halo of fantasy and project all of our hopes onto them. But then the moment is gone, and that moment of pure love disappears. It’s tragic when you think about it. But at times we find ourselves at an unavoidable crossroads where we need to choose whether we find a new way of loving our partner or say goodbye to the one we once thought we’d die for.
However, we need to also see that this situation is another element of contemporary life and a consequence of many avoiding commitment at all costs. Being aware of relationships makes us refuse to find a connection based on the fear that one day it will end. But, why’s that?
Falling in love is not a metaphysical phenomenon, but rather a series of chemical reactions in our brain. Some scientists claim that this feeling places the sufferer in a state similar to dementia. The activation of dopamine, the pleasure hormone, floods the brain and prevents it from working properly. The sensation of wellbeing that happens when they come in contact with the object of their affection creates a process similar to addiction to narcotics.
This subsequently leads to our definition of love as a feeling that comes from the belief that we’re incomplete beings. But, like most things, as time goes by, we start to become immune to the rush. According to National Autonomous University of Mexico researcher Gregorina Montemayor, love has an average shelf life of four years. When we fall out of love, our brain starts a different chemical process. It’s as if someone takes the blindfold off and we start to see things clearer.
On the other hand, Leonardo Palacios, neurologist from the University of Rosario, assures that dopamine releases start to drop when we’re with that person or thinking about them, placing us in a more objective position.
Unlike drugs, we cannot raise the dosage of love, and so eventually our infatuation ends. We develop a new definition of love towards the other. Once the sexual debauchery and overwhelming passion is gone, there’s room for a rational voice to choose whether we should evolve into a more logic-based connection or if all we’ve built must be destroyed.
Moving forward in a relationship also produces two hormones to be released: oxytocin, which focuses on long term happiness, and vasopressin, a natural painkiller. Both help us develop a relationship no longer based on codependency and fantasy.
Some rare cases are able to keep that honeymoon phase for a longer period of time. This depends of both parties’ personalities, the way they interact, their professions, experiences, and other aspects of their relationship.
As humans we endure several afflictions throughout our life, which don’t need to be interrupted. Instead we can transform them into part of a larger process. Falling out of love is a normal situation. But it does not imply a tragic end. Instead we can see it as an opportunity to rediscover the person next to us in a more honest perspective.
Images by Hsing Wang
Source: El Tiempo
Translated by María Suárez
