Jeez Louise, people love hating on Tinder, don’t they? Most articles on the effects of dating apps in contemporary society talk about how much damage they’re inflicting on us: they lower our self-esteem, reinforce our superficial impulses, even harm us. Some have solid arguments to defend their stance, but things can’t be all bad, right? Every technological breakthrough generates both praises and critiques. Smartphones have lowered our attention span, but they’ve increased our ability to multitask. So technology has positive and negative aspects, but, for better or worse, it’s undeniable that it changes things… a lot.
The fact that dating site and app usage has gone up in recent years has surely brought about this type of changes to our current dating climate. A Pew survey recently estimated that close to 15% of adults in the United States have used a dating site or app at least once in their lifetime. Furthermore, people ages 18 to 24 increased their usage nearly threefold between 2013 and 2015, from 10 to 27%. So how has it changed the way people date?
First, let’s state the obvious: dating sucks. Few things can be more awkward than a first date. No technological tool will ever sweep away the nerves and discomfort that come with this kind of social interaction. In this way, dating apps can be useful in helping take away at least part of the uncomfortable aspects. Instead of just blindly meeting up with someone you know nothing about, you can talk to the person you’re interested in before meeting face to face. It’s a great way to filter out people you don’t have much in common with, or assholes, without having to waste your time.
Then there’s the sheer number of single people you can match with. In the days of yore, dating was an activity entirely dependent on the amount of humans you knew in person, so the pool of candidates to hit it off with was considerably smaller. Not anymore. Currently you can connect with hundreds, even thousands, of potential mates, which makes it easier to find at least one you like, whether for a casual encounter or a committed relationship. We all know at least one person who found their partner through an app. You might have to go on several crappy dates before you meet someone you actually hit it off with. But it’s more likely to happen the more dates you go on.
Now let’s get to the darker side of dating apps. For starters, variety is a double-edged sword. Yes, having options is cool, but it can also make you discard candidates way too easily, since you have so many others to choose from. One misunderstood comment or bad date can make you drop someone under the assumption that they’re not right for you. Relationships are hard work. It can take time for you to really get to know the other person and decide whether you truly like them. By supplying us with an unending list of potential partners, dating apps provide an alternative to really trying: just move on to the next one.
To complicate matters even further, there’s the superficial nature of these apps. Profiles feature photographs AND personal information, so ideally you’d swipe right based on your common interests rather than just their level of attractiveness. But, in a world obsessed with beauty, that’s not what usually happens. Technology has made it so pictures, not words, are the most powerful currency. This is not the app’s problem. If people are superficial, they’re like this on and offline. But it is possible to fall for someone you’re not necessarily attracted to at first. By swiping left on anyone who doesn’t adhere to your standards makes it easy to not even think about getting to know them a little more.
Finally, there’s the jerk factor. If dating sucks, it’s partly due to a lot of people sucking. This translates into dating apps working as digital bridges that connect you to crappy people, or, in much rarer cases, to actual criminals. The entire point of Tinder or Bumble is to make dating easier. But the amount of shitty humans using these miracles of technology to spread their shittiness to the world is so big that it can sometimes feel like you’re making your way through a forest of assholes just to find a decent person to talk to or go out with. It’s exhausting, but, again, not the app’s fault.
Just like any other tool humanity has invented, dating apps can be used for good or evil. If you’re thinking about joining one, keep in mind that love and relationships are complex things that take much more than just swiping and matching with someone. Also, don’t forget that some people are dicks. Those two things make it a lot easier.
Images by @davis.hilton
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