If you’ve ever thought, “Hey, maybe I’d like a side of microplastics with my bloodstream,” well, good news: that’s already happening. The bad news? You might be walking around with millions of microplastic particles coursing through your veins — and now there’s a luxury treatment that claims to vacuum them right out.
Meet Clarify Clinics, the ultra-sleek London medical practice that says it can remove microplastics from your blood using a treatment that costs $12,000 per session. It’s called Clari, and it’s basically high-end apheresis — a process normally used for plasma donation or treating autoimmune disorders. Now? It’s being pitched as the first bio-luxe “blood cleanse” for the plastic age.
“We’re surrounded by synthetics,” CEO Yael Cohen told Wired, “so why not filter them out?” Because, well, science — but we’ll get to that.
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New Procedure Targets Microplastics in Your Bloodstream
A visit to Clarify looks more like checking into a members-only club than a hospital. Patients — likely clad in Loro Piana loungewear — reportedly do Zoom calls, watch Netflix, or take naps while their plasma spins through a machine that supposedly filters out plastic, stress, and probably bad vibes, too.
“Once it’s running, you feel nothing. It’s very comfortable,” Cohen said. “The ones who sleep are my favorite.”
People are coming in to tackle everything from chronic fatigue and brain fog to long COVID, and even lupus. But for many, the real draw is the idea that you can literally clean the plastic out of your blood. And if it feels like science fiction — well, that’s kind of the point.
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OK, But… Is This Even Real?
Here’s where things get murky. Yes, therapeutic plasma exchange is a legit medical procedure. It’s been used for decades to treat certain autoimmune and neurological conditions. But the idea that it can specifically filter out microplastics? That’s where the science starts to wobble.
There are no peer-reviewed studies that prove plasma exchange removes plastic particles. None. And as Wired points out, most of what we know about microplastics in the human body is based on observational data, not direct causal links.
Sure, researchers have found plastic in our blood, lungs, gut, brains, and even placentas. But we don’t yet know exactly what all that plastic does to us — or if removing it via blood filtering is possible or even necessary.
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The Bryan Johnson Effect
Like most things in high-end wellness, the microplastic cleanse has a tech bro influencer behind it: Bryan Johnson, the billionaire anti-aging experimenter who famously had his teenage son’s blood transfused into himself (because nothing says “longevity” like vampire cosplay).
“He’s a big platform,” Cohen said. “He is spending a lot of time and energy finding the things that move the needle the most.”
In other words, if you want to be on the bleeding edge of living forever, literally bleeding might be step one.
@impaulsive 🤯 BRIAN JOHNSON STOLE HIS SON’S BLOOD! 🩸 #loganpaul #mikemajlak #bryanjohnson #liveforever #dontdie #health #wellness #netflix #blueprint #impaulsive @Logan Paul @heybigmike @Blueprint Bryan Johnson ♬ original sound – IMPAULSIVE
The Million-Particle Man
Matt Reynolds, the Wired reporter who covered the story, had his own blood tested for microplastics. The results? 190 particles per milliliter — on the low end, according to Clarify’s scale. Still, Cohen was quick to remind him that this meant he had “around a million particles” in his system.
If that freaked you out, same.
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Wellness or Snake Oil?
Here’s the thing: even if Clarify’s procedure doesn’t live up to the detox dream, it does tap into something very real — a sense that the modern world is full of invisible, slow-moving poisons, and no one’s really doing anything about it.
Microplastics are everywhere. In the air. In our food. In the fish. In our babies. So is it really that wild that people are now paying thousands to get them sucked out of their bloodstream?
Maybe not. But if you’re thinking of trying it, just know: you’re still gonna walk out with plastic in your system. Maybe a little less. Maybe not.