How To Let Go Of That Person You Don't Love Anymore

April 26, 2017

|Alejandro Arroyo Cano


For months, you were the perfect partner. You were loving, understanding, supportive, caring, and protective. You were everything I always dreamt of. There was nothing wrong with you. I was the problem. Me and my inability to appreciate the things I have.

I do love you, I won't say I don't. In fact, I could venture to say you were the love of my life. But the magic faded. Can someone love a person without being in love? I am living proof that it's possible because that's exactly what I'm feeling. We built together a castle of love that will always live in my heart. 

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How contradicting and painful it must be to deal with me. I know we love each other, but this can't go on. I can't go on. I have to leave because staying together would be devastating and will end up destroying the amazing soul I once loved. These are the reasons why I finally decided to let you go. I'm going far from that person who taught me how to laugh, dance, and love.

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Am I happy? No. I feel terrible for not being able to make you happy. That's why I'm writing this, hoping you can read it and eventually forgive me. For those who happened to witness the end of this love, there's something I want to tell you. Letting go of that person you didn't value is hard, but you must do it so both of you can move on. This is how to do it.

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Step 1: Understand that everyone has the right to be happy

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No one should feel trapped in a relationship with no future,  love, or fulfillment. To remain together is to be fooling yourselves. It can be hard to make a decision. But perhaps the best thing is to ask yourself that if you can't give that person what they want, why keep them from being  happy with someone else?

Step 2: Be honest and accept the relationship is over

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That feeling of discontent will never leave you until you say goodbye. Keeping in touch with that person will only keep that vicious cycle alive, and it will end up bringing negative consequences into your life. It might seem selfish but the best thing to do is accept you don't want to be with that person anymore. It'll be painful at first, but time will help heal the wounds. 

Step 3: Don't pity your partner

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Being with someone out of compassion is way more despicable than just breaking their heart. When we feel sorry for someone, it's like draining their strength and will. They become a defenseless being that has to be protected and treated with mercy. In fact, everyone can have the determination to overcome their issues and move on. They don't need someone else's compassion to do so.

Step 4: Be ready for loneliness

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If you haven't moved on out of fear of being lonely, just remember Nietzsche's famous Thus Spoke Zarathustra. It tells the story of a man who decides to walk far away from society to reflect on life and existence. The book reveals that it's in those solitary moments when people can really get to know themselves.

Step 5: Break up with that person face to face and tell them your feelings

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If you're not comfortable with the relationship, consider that you partner loves you, and they deserve to be happy. Tell them the truth and how you're feeling. Being honest is the best thing you can do for that person you used to love. 


The most difficult thing about a breakup is going back to your normal life. You won't have those lovely dinners on Fridays, nor dancing Saturdays, or even those lazy Netflix Sundays.

Yes, it sounds like something difficult to overcome, but that's how life works. We have to learn how to close cycles and so receive new experiences.

Translated by María Isabel Carrasco Cara Chards
Alejandro Arroyo Cano

Alejandro Arroyo Cano