6 Reasons Why I Promise I’m Not Coming Back To You
martes, 20 de diciembre de 2016 12:23|Daniel Morales Olea
At the beginning, I remember we said that if things went south, we’d take our separate ways. We would break up before it got bad so, once it ended, we would remember this relationship as a beautiful moment in our lives. We’d avoid all the fights, yelling, and tears. Today we’re on the edge of a cliff, but before we fall, I need you to understand that I’m not coming back to you.
The fights started and our promise was postponed. We let our fear of being alone rule our decisions. Now all I can think is that we should’ve split from the moment things changed.
I don’t wish you harm. The good moments will always be there in my mind. But the cracks are making this whole love fall apart. Our life together is done. I’ve returned several times and realized you've reached for me when it gets tough. But it’s not working anymore.
There are a million reasons why I should stay, but there are even more to say that leaving is for the best. I’ve thought a lot about this. I’ve tried to find ways for us to be together. Now I realize this is the best thing for both of us.
I don’t hate you anymore, but honestly I’ll say there were moments when I couldn’t help feeling that. I never tried to change who you are. You’d do little things so that I would cancel plans with other people and stay by your side. Now I’m afraid of the me without you. But I must face it, because I know I can do this.
A small argument would be more than enough for you to leave. You’d find someone else for some time and then return to me. Relationships should not be conditioned or left ambiguous. If you wanted to be with other people, now you are free to do so. Just don’t call me when you get bored.
Slowly we began to build a future together. I’ll never forget your face when I showed you the plane tickets I bought for our first trip together. But even you were aware that the last getaway we did was just a sad excuse of trying to save a relationship that was always better on vacation than on the day-to-day. It’s time to let go, to forget all those plans we made, to find our own paths.
Perhaps our plans were not working because we want different lives. We used to believe in the same things, but now I'm aware that our goals have drifted apart. It’s not your fault nor mine. We shouldn’t tether ourselves to a life we don’t want just to be together.
Fight after fight, both of us would lose control. Then we’d promise we’d change; we would try to be better for both our sakes. We never wanted a misunderstanding to ruin something that felt so real. But we cannot continue to be blinded by love and forget that we’re hurting each other in worse ways each time.
I can’t stand being close to you while knowing that any moment will be the last time I see you. But it’s only natural that eventually your name will be just another unknown reference in someone’s conversation. I’ll stop missing you. Don’t think that I want to forget everything. I just want to remember you as you were when we were good to each other.
Today I realize that this is the best ending for you and for me. Enjoy, live, fulfill all those dreams we promised. I’ll try to do the same without you.
Translated by María Suárez