30. To make sense of a silent film and appreciate each and every unspoken nuance.
29. To read my favorite novel without a hurry or sense of urgency.
28. To enjoy the company of my best friend as I used to do before you.
None of this would've been possible if you hadn't drilled into my mind that we were not meant to be together. As we were tethered to each other so tightly, it became an exhausting tug of war where our dreams and aspirations were stifled. There is a vein of bitterness to all of this, but I'll be honest: these 30 moments I will come to describe are filled with gratitude and light. My opportunities in many ways were put to one side as we became immersed in our little quarrels and commitments. Our convictions, dreams, and illusions were put to one side as we tended to each other. We ended up staring into each other's eyes for far too long that we lost sight of who we were and who we could become.
27. To be completely wasted and not feel an ounce of guilt.
26. To dress up and fall in love with myself.
25. To spend my money on anything I desire.
24. To stop planning every weekend.
I never would have set out on my own adventures. I was gripping onto you so tightly that I became even more petrified of letting go and finding new passions. I missed losing myself in silly conversations and not being so wound up about everything. I am truly grateful for the lessons I learnt by your side, but on my own I can soar higher. Being next to each other diluted our bravery and determination, instead of strengthening us: another very clear sign we were not meant to be.
23. To give myself the chance to know someone or something different that I always overlooked or underestimated.
22. To recover my sense of worth and gain the strength to say "no."
21. To stop believing my partner has the right to change my ideals and convictions just because they doesn't suit them.
20. To win back all the people I began to leave behind as I furiously ran behind you, trying to catch up.
19. To find countless, unexpected moments that make me laugh.
You were cruel. There is no other way to say it. There are people out there with such thick skin that it is impossible for them to open up and accept they are vulnerable. In many ways you are like that and to say "I'm sorry" is an impossible feat for you. I don't like half truths and petty lies, and our relationship was a minefield of those. You took for granted your words and actions, and this is why to the very end I couldn't fully trust you. Do I think you're an honest and wholesome person? No.
18. To be spontaneous and surprise myself everyday.
17. To lose the pernicious fear of not fitting in.
16. To feel whole no matter how many may prod and poke at my insecurities.
15. To tolerate and even embrace ideas that differ from my own.
14. To feel loved and protected by others.
13. To know my worth and that I am capable.
12. To learn from my mistakes and keep my chin up.
10. To decide for myself what I want to do.
It is thanks to your absence that I can enjoy the present and carefully craft my plans for the future. With a sigh of relief, I can say that I will never put someone else's priorities before my own. Every time I dream about you, I wake up grateful for what you taught me, and it hasn't crossed my mind to return to you because that would mean losing myself and my freedom once again. I am happy, complete, and satisfied, and I can safely say that being with you was one of the greatest lessons life had in store for me. It certainly won't be the last lesson in this life.
9. To flatter myself and know that I have to work on my defects.
8. I don't need anyone's permission to be happy.
7. To never stop enjoying life and take comfort in my own company.
6. To reach my own expectations and not succumb to those people place on me.
5. To congratulate myself for my successes and share those precious moments with those closest to me.
4. To share the special moments with those I love.
3. To value my time and energy.
2. To follow my gut instinct .
1. To know my limits and know that I place them myself, which means they can be broken.
I loved you, and I cried when the ties joining us together snapped. It was all worth it because I gave it my all. It doesn't matter how many times I may fail, but this break up was a great thing because you weren't meant to be in my life. I don't need you or anyone to give meaning or purpose to my life. I may have lost someone, but I gained something entirely more precious:
If you are still in the process of healing, then these might grab your attention:
6 Ways That Will Help You Find Closure
8 Things To Do Instead of Falling in Love