Sex therapist Fernanda Zarate helps us demystify female ejaculation.
In the documentary Sacred Water, we follow Vestine Dusabe, a Rwandan radio host and sex educator as she does her part in preserving the tradition of female ejaculation. Dusabe doesn’t see pleasure as something that’s only achievable on special occasions, instead she shares how it should be seen as something as basic as any other part of life. Perhaps for many of us the idea of what has now been called squirting sounds like a fairy tale or a myth. With the scientific community still unsure on whether the female prostate, also known as the G-spot, actually exists and the very few studies seeking to confirm it, it’s easy to see why the majority would be skeptical about its existence. Yet, even as the debate continues, there are plenty of experts who can tell us what they’ve experienced and seen through their practice.
But, first things first, what is squirting? According to HelloClue’s Jen Bell:
“During sex, some people with vaginas experience the involuntary emission of fluid. This has become known “squirting” or “female ejaculation” (even though not everyone with a vulva identifies as female, nor does everyone who identifies as female have a vulva).”
So, now that we have the definition down, we’ve asked sex therapist Fernanda Zarate for her best tips regarding all the facts and tips about female ejaculation.
It’s not pee.
"I feel like I need to explain that it’s not pee. When someone with female genitals is about to ejaculate, they’ll feel this need to pee, just like when they’re about to reach an orgasm. However, this fluid does not contain the same components. The consistency is more like juice. It’s transparent, colorless, odorless, and contains glucose as well as female prostatic fluid. This is because it all starts with the stimulation of the G-spot, which is the female prostate."
Ejaculation does not equal pleasure.
"The orgasm is heavily associated with ejaculation. This, just like with men, is just not true. It’s a physical response so, of course, every woman has the anatomical capacity to have an orgasm. Yet I find orgasms to be a very subjective experience. There are people who ejaculate in such an automatic way that they no longer feel pleasure when they do this. This happens a lot with women in the adult film industry. They’re so trained and have a script of what they’re supposed to do that they no longer see it as a pleasurable experience. They are acting, because it’s their job, but they’re not getting something out of it. Squirting is not synonymous or indicative of pleasure."
Not everyone will squirt the same.
“Squirting is an emission that happens through the Skene Glands. Every person with a vagina has them, however each body varies in their size. The size of the glands will result in the amount of squirt that will be released.”
The clitoris is not the main way to go.
“There is a lot of information out there that says that it’s all about clitoral stimulation. Obviously, since all the muscles are connected, if your clitoris is stimulated, then it might reach the G-spot. There are some positions, like deep penetration, where the penis, fingers, or a strap-on dildo, tend to graze the G-spot. Obviously the G-spot swells with arousal, so with proper stimulation, it’s possible to squirt. However, the most direct stimulation for squirting is through the G-spot.”
Every female-born person has the ability to ejaculate.
“We need to start on the inside. We need to discover how we feel about our bodies. Because if you can’t enjoy your body it will be very difficult for you to allow yourself to have this experience.”
It takes practice.
“The first time that we try to squirt can be like the first time we have sex, when we don’t necessarily enjoy the experience or reach orgasm. It requires practice. We need to be relaxed. Perhaps you were already able to squirt on your own, but when it comes to trying it with a partner, you need to trust them enough to ask them and guide them, as well as asking them to also be aware of whether or not it’s happening.”
Find your G-spot.
“This spot is almost at the start of the vagina. It’s not at the back, it’s in the first inch. The body is smart and very symmetrical. So, if you take your middle and ring finger and place it inside, the G-spot will be around where the first phalange of the middle finger is. We take the fingers in the direction of our belly button and try to signal for someone to get closer, that’s where we’ll find our G-spot. We know that’s the G-spot because we’ll feel like a little bump, like when you feel a bump on your heel. If you move your fingers to check it’s there, you’ll feel how it’s different from the vaginal wall.”
Focus on your breathing.
“If you’re relaxed and breathing, there’s no reason why your body won’t respond. When we’re aware of our breathing, we can increase the sensations on our body. Of course, we’ll inevitably start thinking stuff like, Oh no I’m going to make a mess, I’m going to pee, or What if my partner gets turned off? When we focus on our breathing, we can push these thoughts away. By doing this, we’re allowing ourselves to enjoy the moment and the experience.”
According to Zarate, there’s no reason why someone with a vagina won’t be able to ejaculate. Of course, she explains that our emotions affect our body. If we’re stressed, worried, or just not in the mood, our body won’t be able to relax to the point where we would be able to squirt. Also, she explains that squirting should not be the main goal of your sexual encounter. Because, as we explained during another article, when we chase an orgasm or squirting, we lose sight of our pleasure.
“More than just trying to squirt, it’s about finding pleasure while discovering the process your body requires.”
So, if you want to try it, go for it. However, don’t lose your way. It’s not about reaching your goal. It’s about discovering your body and its sensations on the way to finding what you need to reach the peak of pleasure and satisfaction.
Images by Rachel Rottman