This is for you: the one who cannot enjoy anything without obsessing over it, who only has to try something to need it, and always ends up falling in love with someone miserable.
Just as narcissists are only capable of "loving" themselves and codependents only feel accepted when someone else loves them, those who possess an addictive personality only care about what they have developed an obsession for. Certain activities, substances, behaviors and/or another person become the center of their addictive identity. This problem arises from a combination of social, psychological, and physiological factors that lead someone to act, feel and think compulsively.
You make promises that from the beginning you know you cannot fulfill.
You tell lies to justify your actions.
You replace your family, friends or partner for activities that you consider more important or that generate more pleasure (work, party, Internet, laziness, games, sports, sex, etc.).
You justify your actions through the money you can contribute or make excuses as being a figure of power and influence in your surroundings.
You get bored easily if you have a routine.
You think you deserve more than you have, but you have missed opportunities to get it.
You become more empathetic and social when you use drugs, interact online, drink alcohol, or have sex.
Criticism bothers you and distances you from those who offer it, even if they just wanted to help you.
You spend money on banalities that even you consider excessive (purchases, party, drugs, sex, food, etc.).
You borrow money without authorization and sometimes do not return it.
When you drink or use drugs, you overdo it until your behavior changes.
You hide in ideologies that you consider valid, but you do not really know what they are.
You change your job very often for fear of "stalling."
You have abandoned responsibilities, such as work or studies due to an attack of anger, lapses of sadness, episodes of laziness or lack of concentration.
You spend most of your time working, even at inappropriate times.
You have problems with your eating (excesses, unhealthy habits or refusal to eat).
You spend most of the day on your cell phone or computer, and you need to be connected to the Internet at all times.
How does the addictive personality relate to falling in love with someone miserable?
For someone who does not know the difference between free will and a dependency, it’s practically impossible to form a real bond. The inability to control one’s impulses distances him or her from feeling and building a relationship based on genuine sentiments. Like a barrier, addiction blinds the sufferer and confuses them into believing that they have fallen in love. When this happens, the chances of the other person also possessing an addictive personality is quite high; then, both parties transfer their need for sex, alcohol, gambling, etc. to the dependency of another human being.
The addictive personality never sincerely loves, only supplements one obsession with another. For this reason, this subject accepts any treatment with very little companionship, care, or affection. Just as a drug destroys the organism, the relationships of this type of person are just as harmful.
Falling in love with someone miserable is not a matter of bad luck; it is part of the abyss of obsession, compulsion and dependence that you cannot get out of so easily, because you typically only try to overcome an addiction by involving yourself in another, in this case, a pairing that hurts, deceives, undervalues you and obviously, does not love you back —someone miserable.
Karen Langebeck – Terapia Emocional
Translated by Joseph Reiter