We've all told them to our BFF, but do we really follow them?
At some point of your life, your BFF has gone to you when they have a problem, looking for some advice. And I’m sure that many times you’ve given them gems of advice that really help them and clear the skies in your friend’s life. But here’s the funny thing: have you actually tried all those tips, pieces of advice, and suggestions you’ve given to your BFF to help them solve their problems?
We’ve all been there, listening to our friends and helping them figure out their feelings and everyday life struggles. But when we’re in the same situation, we seem to forget what we’ve told them and, in fact, we go to them so they can tell us what they first heard from us. This happens because, when our friends tell us their problems, we see them from another perspective and with a cooler head, which is what we need to solve them. However, we often forget to apply all that advice for the most important person in our lives: ourselves. Here are some of the most common things you tell your BFF that you should also embrace in your life.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
This is a great piece of advice we tell our friends because, from our perspective, we can see their issues aren’t as big and overwhelming as they think they are. But how many times do we make a fuss out of a situation that can be easily solved? Or how often do we believe our problems are worse than they really are? This type of bias is quite common. In fact, it might be the main reason why our friend comes to us in the first place. We tend to think of small stuff as gigantic and terrifying problems because the emotions of the moment can make us unable to think of situations from a perspective that isn’t our own. Imagine you’re hearing your problems coming from someone else’s mouth, and you’ll see there isn’t really anything to worry about.
Tell (X person) how you feel
Your BFF might be having an issue with a person. Maybe they’re feeling uncomfortable, angry, or have fallen for them and don’t know how to tell them how they feel. In these situations, you’d probably tell them they should be honest about how they feel. But honestly, do you follow that piece of advice all the time? It’s common for us to hide our feelings because that’s the safest way to keep ourselves from getting hurt and avoid uncomfortable situations. However, all those feelings you bottle up end up turning into a burden that becomes heavier and heavier over time. Saying how you feel isn’t easy, but in the end, it’ll leave you feeling emotionally lighter. And maybe, after doing so, you’ll see there wasn’t any reason to worry.
Just let it go
When our BFF has the same problem over and over again, we always tell them to let it go because we see how it's hurting them. But we should also worry about ourselves if we find ourselves thinking about the same issues again and again. Of course, it’s good to talk about them with someone when it happens, but if a year later you keep going over the same issue, it means you haven’t let go. Again, the situation can become a burden that you should say goodbye to before it becomes too heavy to bear.
Your BFF comes to you because they got their heart broken and they need a shoulder to cry on. After listening to them and comforting them, you want to cheer them up. What do you tell them? Treat yourself. Eating a whole tub of ice cream, watching a movie marathon in your PJs, taking a bubble bath, or buying silly stuff just because you want to, are small pleasures we shouldn’t have to leave for when we get our heart broken. Pampering yourself is good and it doesn’t necessarily need to be a special occasion. You deserve to relax and chill once in a while.
It’s okay to say no
Besides "sorry," one of the most difficult words to say is “no.” Saying yes to everything, even to those things you don’t want to do, is basically leaving your life in someone else’s hands. To a certain degree, this is a comfortable way to go through life, but in the end, you’ll end up living the life others set for you, not the one you want.
Stop trying to change other people
I’m sure that in some of the problems your friend has had, there’s a person or group of people that keep reappearing as protagonists. For these situations, you might use a combination of “just let them go” and “stop trying to change them.” Again, we’re able to see the repetitive behavior in certain people since we see the situation from another perspective, but perhaps we don’t realize it when we keep having the same problems with the same people because, deep down, we believe they might change. Indeed, there are times when people do change, but they’re so few, it’s better not to think that they’ll change because of something you did. That’s an issue the person has to solve by themselves. You don’t have to wait for others to change for you. Focusing on that is only a waste of energy that you could spend in changing yourself instead.
You love your BFF for who they are, so when you say that, you mean it. Then, why not say that to yourself too? This is about accepting yourself, with all your flaws and virtues. As I was once told by a close friend, if you can’t be comfortable with yourself, how can you expect others to be comfortable around you?
You tell your best friend all these pieces of advice because you truly want to help them and care about them. In the same way, care about yourself, pamper yourself, and try to set the example of all those helping pieces of advice you say by following them yourself.
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