Have you ever suffered the consequences of being in an almost-relationship?
There comes a time when we start dating a person and things just start turning into a sort of grayish hue of ambiguous that we just can’t truly comprehend. We’re not sure if we’re actually with someone or not, and this is a risky spot to be.
Even though we’ve told ourselves over and over that building a relationship takes time and effort, sometimes we look at the person we’re dating and wonder why things haven’t turned more serious. Is it them who are holding back? Or are we doing it because we just don’t feel ready to take the next step?
The twilight zone of the almost-relationships is a scary place where none of us would want to dwell for a long time. There, everything feels like a transitory illusion. We often find ourselves asking if anything will last or if we’re just fooling ourselves to avoid what’s undeniable. Yet, we cling ourselves to that spot, thinking that maybe time will make things right. But the truth is that it won’t, and unless someone realizes that some action must be taken, you’ll only be delaying the inevitable.
Why would anyone want to live the tortuous experience of being in the gray zone of a relationship that never seems to fully be? Perhaps because it makes us feel as if there are no strings attached and that we’re mature enough to just keep things casual. But this is nothing more than a blatant lie. We’re all made up of complicated emotions, and whenever we make a person reach closer to us in intimacy, we’re showing them our most vulnerable side, and if they tread over it recklessly, it will feel as painful as in any other kind of affair. Being with someone always comes with responsibility, and being in an almost-relationship only serves the purpose of deluding ourselves into thinking that this doesn’t apply to us.
Is there anything worse than showing the most delicate and frail part of yourself to a person and afterwards just have them ditch like it’s nothing? Perhaps, this has never happened to you, but is just as likely that you were the person who treaded over someone’s emotions just because you weren’t responsible enough to hook up with someone without harming them or making them believe that you weren’t interested in anything serious. Maybe, you just did it because you didn’t want to feel lonely. You attract people to feel better while remaining unwilling to take full responsibility for what being with someone actually represents.
To make almost-relationships more bearable, you need to be mindful of all the signals that the other person throws at you. Just because someone wants to spend time with you it doesn’t mean that they want to stay, and if you want to save yourself emotional damage, the best thing you can do is to ask the right questions. If you’re on the opposite side, being sincere will help you deal with things much more responsibly and save both of you time and emotional confusion.
When you’re in the twilight zone of a relationship that doesn’t come to be, waiting is never the solution. Time won’t make things better. It’s up to you to make it work, and if you want that to happen, you should fight for what you want. If not, stop fooling yourself and walk away. There’s only one truth about an almost-relationship: they never truly become anything. And there’s a lot of pain coming along with it.
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Images by Jesse Herzog (@jesseherzog)