Do you avoid relationships or make a clean break as soon as you find the slightest issue?
“Anxiety” and “Millennials” are two words that you’ll often find together because, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), our generation has shown symptoms of this mental disorder more than any other generation in history. We have all felt anxious at some point in our lives. However, when you actually have this condition, you feel overwhelmed by fears and worries based on unrealistic thoughts that affect most areas of your life including, of course, relationships. One of the main ways these anxieties and fears mess with our romantic life is by stopping us from having a relationship or making us go for breakups as soon as an issue between us and our S.O. happens.
This instability in a relationship is rooted in our fear of failing as a couple, or seen from a different perspective, on the idea that our love life has to be perfect. Therefore, any tiny mistake makes the relationship not worthy of our time. If you’ve ever felt like you’ve ever been or you’re currently stuck in this cycle of failed relationships or relationships that never happened because of these worries, here are two simple factors you should consider to make a change in your love life.
Allow yourself and others the chance to make mistakes
As simple as this piece of advice may sound, it's not that easy when you have a constant fear of messing things up with people you care about. Nonetheless, acting out of fear could actually be the main reason why you end up messing things. Maybe the smallest issue in your relationship makes you think it’s doomed and that your happily-ever-after will never happen. Nobody's perfect, and we all can mess up every now and then. But the only way we can change is by giving ourselves and others the chance to make mistakes. Moreover, it can be an opportunity for you and your partner to bond even more by solving a problem together.
Change of perspective
Maybe you have an idea of how a “functional” relationship works. As soon as you see that you and your partner don’t fit in that ideal or deviate from it, you decide to end things for good. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of love for all relationships. If you and your partner are facing a problem, you might approach another couple (especially one that has lasted for a long time) in search of some advice. Or you can go for a more difficult but effective solution: see your relationship from an outer perspective, that is, as if you weren't part of that relationship. Learning this takes time, but when you do it, it’s easier to find points and situations in which you and your partner can work to improve the things between the two of you. The best way to see things from another perspective is to remain calm and cool-headed: don’t make decisions when you’re angry, sad, or anxious. Have some “me” time, relax, and then see where the issue lies so that you and your partner can fix it.
There's nothing to be afraid of in your relationship. Now that you’ve taken a great step by realizing how your fears stop you, give yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. This will take time, but the more effort you put this into exercise, the faster you’ll overcome these fears. You can’t really control your thoughts, so they'll keep popping up every now and then. But the point is to ignore them, move on with your life, and enjoy your relationship. Because in the end, you’re with a person that loves you for who you are.
Photos by Montana Lee