According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, an asexual person is "someone who does not experience sexual attraction." That being said, asexuality is not a black and white definition, but a spectrum. There are numerous levels of sexual identity and orientation. In fact, one kind is labelled gray-A, as in gray area, since they do have moments when they experience sexual attraction and desire. Another common myth is that asexuals don’t have sex. Truth is that some of them do. For those who identify as demisexual, this only occurs when they’re with someone they share a deep connection with.
This last statement is what most people usually miss about asexuality: asexuals do fall in love. But again, we can’t put everyone in the same box or category. Just as someone full of sexual energy can choose not to fall in love or be in a committed relationship, someone who does not experience libido or sexual desire can share a life with a person who is also asexual or not. What matters is that both parties understand each other’s needs.
A sexual person in a relationship with an asexual might feel guilty or hurt when they experience sexual desire. This is why communication is key. When both people talk about what their needs, worries, insecurities, and issues, a healthy relationship can flourish even with all the obstacles. Being open with each other can lead to both parties understanding what their loved one wants or needs. Perhaps both can come to an agreement or compromise regarding their sexual or non sexual needs.
What really won’t work is for either person to assume what their partner is thinking or feeling, because this is when resentment or misunderstanding tends to occur. If honesty exists from the start, the relationship is more likely to work out. Another thing to keep in mind is the difference between sensuality and sexuality. Asexual people can choose to engage in sexual activity with their partner or could find other creative routes. There could even be a way for both people to feel satisfied, but this comes with trust and an open mind.
Do you know the difference between love and infatuation?
Translated by María Suárez