By Georgette Valentini
You’ve probably seen hundreds of this kind of article. The key to happiness has been unlocked, they say, and often one article ends up contradicting the next. And so the wheel turns and everyone gets the wrong impression. But so many articles point to the same thing over and over, there must be something there.
Previous studies suggested having no children could actually help the world in the face of the climate crisis. As it turns out, it could also help improve overall happy as well. Go figure.
According to recent research, being single and childless can indeed be beneficial in surprising ways. Of course, each and every person is responsible for their own life plans—and everyone is free to follow their particular desires. However, there’s still many old-school people out there who would try to impose a certain lifestyle upon the rest: they think the traditional family model (a married heterosexual couple with kids) is the way to go for just about every “normal” person. Or so they say. But not only are they wrong in thinking this is for everybody—they are even wrong in thinking it’s the best lifestyle in terms of happiness.
Paul Dolan, a renowned expert in happiness, suggests that though not only single childless women are happy, they do tend to be the happiest on average.
Dolan is the Head of Department and Professor of Behavioral Science in Psychological and Behavioral Science at the London School of Economics and Political Science. He’s also the author of Happiness By Design. During a conference he gave in the Hay Festival in Wales, he mentioned that there’s not really a correlation between traditional standards for success and happiness—especially when it comes to having a family and raising children.
The difference between men and women
Studies measure happiness standards in both men and women. However, Dole points out that the negative effects of marriage actually weigh heavier on women. That makes sense, since marriage generally demands more sacrifices and commitment from women than from men (at least the old-school marriage model, still widely practiced today, where it’s the woman who’s expected to stay home and take care of the kids while the husband goes out to succeed professionally).
For men, marriage usually involves fewer risks (on their health as well as on their professional fulfillment), more money at work and a longer lifespan. On the other hand, women—especially the ones who married relatively young—have a higher risk to develop physical ailments and mental disorders.
Social stigma
Many communities around the world still frown upon the single life. According to Dole, the stigma that surrounds single adults can make some women feel pressured, which can lead to unhappiness and a feeling of guilt. But even this stigma doesn’t overtake the benefits in health and happiness that come with singlehood.
A lot of people are scared of spending their life alone and growing old with no one by their side. But this fear, like many others, is ultimately irrational, founded on an obsolete social model. There’s no good reason to sacrifice your overall happiness just for the sake of “not being alone” (whatever that means). Perhaps you do meet the right person to share a happy life with, but perhaps you don’t. It’s best not to force it.
Your world, your decisions
The important thing with this kind of research is to know its limits. There may be gaps in the data or errors of interpretation (it’s been pointed out that Dolan is wrong in inferring married women are in fact miserable, as he may have misread some statistics). But the overall intuition seems to stand on good ground: single people are not destined for unhappiness. Quite on the contrary.
The single most crucial thing to keep in mind here is that research like this is not prescriptive, meaning it doesn’t actually tell you how to live your life. Rather, it merely helps us question long-held biases and gives us a reason to live the way we want to live, without needing to surrender our happiness for the sake of traditional social standards. If you want to have children and get married, and if that makes you happy, then by all means, go for it. Otherwise, this research could help you argue against those who would judge you for doing what they want. After all, it’s your world, your life, your decisions.
Translated by Oliver G. Alvar
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