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LIFESTYLE

Why Postponing Your Breakup Doesn't Help Anyone

Por: Zoralis Pérez12 de septiembre de 2017

If you’ve ever been in a relationship that has ended, you know there comes a point when you might still love your partner, but you know you can’t be together anymore. Maybe you’ve been growing apart or the relationship has become toxic for both of you; the bottom line is that you know in your gut that the time is coming to put an end to things.

However, no matter how sure you are that you need to break up with this person or how ready you are to say goodbye to them and start a new chapter in your life, you probably won’t want to do it right away. You’ll tell yourself that you still need to think about it for a while and that you want to wait for the right time to do it. This thinking and waiting is procrastination. Pure and simple. We procrastinate with homework, household chores, and yes, even breaking up with someone. Procrastinating is normal, and when it comes to ending a relationship and causing a lot of pain to someone else and yourself, it’s completely understandable. Nonetheless, you really shouldn’t postpone a breakup forever. Here are some reasons why:

1. By waiting to do it, you’re just waiting for more bad things to happen between now and the breakup that will inevitably happen sometime in the future. Sure, things are not okay right now, but they could get even worse in a couple of months. Why not just get it over with now before one of you hurts the other one even more and you end up really hating each other?

2. Knowing you are going to break up with someone and postponing it is just torture for you and your partner. In my experience, the last couple of months leading up to my last breakup was one of the worst times of my life. I just remember feeling sad and frustrated all the time, hating myself and my boyfriend, while also dreading that day when we would finally put an end to our misery. When that day finally came, we were both heartbroken, but it was also such a relief. A few weeks later, I was still a wreck and I missed him, but I was a million times happier than before the breakup. Moral of the story: don’t put off a breakup. Why would you want to be sad for longer than you have to? You’re already going to be miserable after you break up: why not reduce pre-breakup misery?

3. Postponing it gives you time to start doubting your reasons for breaking up. As soon as you have all your reasons and you know in your gut that you need to end things, you need to do it. Reaching that point of clarity where you are able to look past the love you feel for that person and see all the things that are wrong in the relationship is incredibly difficult, so, as soon as you have accomplished this, you really need to do something. You can’t let yourself go back to all the doubt and confusion. Again, why be in pain for longer than you have to?

4. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can start getting over it. Breaking up is a lot like ripping off the proverbial band-aid. Or maybe, it’s like everything we feel before, during and after throwing up. It already hurts before you do it, and you dread doing it because you know it will hurt even more, but what comes after the pain makes it all worth it. You feel so much lighter, so relieved, so free! And after a while, you become a normal person again, eating and sleeping normally, thinking about things that have nothing to do with your ex, and even looking forward to a future that doesn’t include them. But, you won’t get over this person or recover from all the pain until you actually break up with them. So, you really should do it as soon as possible.

***

Of course, I’m not saying love is dead or that we should all give up on our dreams of happy, healthy relationships. What I’m saying is that we should give up on those relationships that are not working, and that we should do it as soon as we are sure that there’s nothing to be done anymore. Take it from someone who had to learn the hard way. Your heart will thank you.


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