In our current landscape, we all feel as if we don’t have enough time. Not just in our day to day but in our lifetime. Perhaps it’s because we compare ourselves with all the other people around us, even the ones who are not as close. You get a notification from another friend who got engaged or is having a baby while you’re still deciding whether you’re getting Kermit the Frog or Disney Princess pajamas. It’s when we find ourselves panicking because we think we’re running out of time, that we’re tempted to do something brash, something like rushing into a relationship with that person you’re still not so sure about.
Time isn’t the only currency in our world. The real sort of currency is another factor that might move you to get way ahead of yourself. One of the current trends that’s skyrocketed revolves around couples who move in together after only dating for a few weeks or months. The logic behind it is not necessarily commitment but financial stability; it’s easier to rent an apartment between two people. But according to Emily Esfahani Smith and Galena Rhoades in their article of The Atlantic, “In Relationships Be Deliberate,” rushing into cohabitation before the time is right can lead to issues down the road. Because moving in together does not necessarily guarantee commitment or exclusivity. The problem with going the whole nine yards too quickly is that, if you break up, you’ve set yourself up for some debt. Breaking a rental contract, deciding who keeps what, and having to find a new place to move to, will end up costing you. So whatever perk you thought you’d get from moving in, you’ll end up paying for it.
But, beyond the financial, there are plenty of other issues that can arise from jumping into the pool too soon. Once in a committed relationship, you are less likely to follow your intuition about things not working out. You might overlook warning signs or clear proof of incompatibility because you don’t want to lose what you have. This also happens when you cling to a relationship as a safety net to ensure you won’t be alone. But, if you do this, you risk your chance at finding someone who might be better for you. Or, in the worst cases, it’s likely that all you’ve done is postpone the breakup. You didn’t end things after a couple months, so ten years down the line it all falls apart, but there is more collateral damage and emotional exhaustion attached to it.
Smith and Rhoades even explain that by rushing into moving in together you might end up feeling pressured to make choices you would’ve done differently. One of these is when “…couples who slide into cohabitation without formal plans to get married could continue on into marriages that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.”
When we feel pressured by the people around us, by time, or by social conventions, we’re likely to find ourselves where we never expected to be. It’s important to ask yourself why you feel the need to hurry things up instead of taking your time to get to know the other person. Infatuation and lust are our initial drives when we meet someone and start seeing them. But we cannot let those be the deciders for something that could change the course of your life. Reflect and consider what are your goals and needs. These need to exist beyond the relationship you’re starting. Your personal growth and individuality should be a priority, even in a committed long-term relationship. You can be part of unit while remaining your own person. Don’t get caught in the moment, and be sure to always consider what’s best for you in all your interactions. That way, you might be ready to tackle the possibility of love without getting drowned in it for jumping in too soon.