What do you like sexually? I mean what do you REALLY like? Is it something you can talk about with your parents? Your friends? Your partner? No? Is it weird? Dirty? “Sick,” even? Does it make you feel bad? Strange? Lonely? Well, stop feeling like that. You are not alone, at least not in the eyes of Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, a Data Scientist whose research on human nature through Google search statistics has given us some incredible insights into our present sexual reality and just how “weird” we all are.Seth’s book, Everybody Lies, based on data analysis, presents, among other things, evidence of sexual repression in modern societies, where people fantasize about doing things that may be considered “strange,” but do not seem to act on them or even talk about them. Then, their only options end up being searching for answers in Google or finding release through internet pornography. His findings shed light on a world constituted by apparent “perverts” and repressed individuals. In an age where porn dominates internet traffic, for better or worse, consumers can find solace in realizing that their weirdest fetishes are not stranger than those of anybody else. “The data from porn tells us that everybody is weird. Thus nobody is weird,” the author explained.
What we desire and how we act sexually exist in two different realities, and this makes people live in fear of discrimination or mockery. An example of this is Seth’s estimation that about 5% of men watch gay-male porn in the US. This doesn’t mean that every man who watches gay porn is necessarily gay, but the number is a lot larger than the estimated 2 to 3% rate of male homosexuality calculated by experts. The number of men that identify as homosexual varies depending on how gay-friendly the cities they live in are. According to a Gallup poll, in gay friendly states —like Vermont, where 5.3% of the population identifies as homosexual— it’s easier for people to “come out of the closet,” while more conservative ones discourage homosexuals from expressing their preference —like South Carolina, with 3.0%. Despite this, gay porn consumption is very similar everywhere, somewhere around 5%. Google searches reflect how women react to this, as the most asked question made about husbands is whether they are homosexual. The reality is that there is a significant number of men that marry women despite being attracted to men, especially in more conservative states. This is the sad part to Seth’s research on sex. But do not despair; there’s some encouraging insights on fetishes and the discrepancy between societal standards of beauty and actual desire.
The author estimates that men seem to prefer heavier women than skinny ones, as porn featuring overweight actresses is surprisingly popular. The same happens with elderly women; he illustrates that around 1% of all porn consumed by men features older women. So our societal demand for women to be young and slim is not consistent with the reality of what men lust for when watching porn. This is a positive outlook, for it may motivate a change in our definition of female beauty. However, it shows just how caustic these constructs can be, for people do not act on their desires, instead preferring partners they feel less attracted to, but that coincide with societal standards. The first step to correcting any problem is knowing it exists, though.As for fetishes, the things people are into can be shocking at times. For example, based on Google searches, Indian men seem to fancy being breastfed by women. This might seem weird, but it’s similar to some other oddball practices Seth mentions, like 10% of Japanese men digging a porn sub genre that features tickling, the fact that porn featuring violence towards women is watched more by women than men, or the ever increasing preference consumers have of watching anal intercourse in porn as opposed to vaginal intercourse. So yeah, let the one who lives without watching weird porn cast the first stone. Who would’ve thought that knowing the porn people watch could bring so much solace?
Everybody Lies is an intriguing book. Besides its analysis of sexuality in the digital world, it delves into themes such as racism and political inclination, complex subjects that show a discrepancy between what people say and what they really think, and just how not post-racial we still are as a society. Images by jessytai, jesseherzog, pornhub Art is another way to watch fantasies come to life, so check out this illustrator’s sexually charged work and tips for sexting safely.
Vox
The Guardian
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz