5 Lies You Keep Falling For When You Start Dating Someone
March 28, 2018|Cultura Colectiva
Developing a nose for these classic lies is the best solution to avoid a broken heart.
We've all been there: you meet someone new, go on a few dates, and suddenly you start picturing a life with this person, three kids, a Golden Retriever, and a minivan. It’s a normal thing to do (at least I do it) because we get excited about possible LTRs. However, the undeniable magic that comes with a new love can quickly turn into disappointment when you bust this person on a lie. It can be something as simple as a white lie about their intellectual interests, to more extreme lies about their age, education, employment, and dating life. And there’s a distinction to be made here because one thing is being lied about insignificant details that hurt no one, and another being lied to about important facts that will hurt you When you are considering getting serious with someone, lies are just unacceptable. A relationship should be based on trust, not skepticism. For these reasons, some of us have developed a nose for classic lies, and based on experience, I’ve included some you shouldn't fall for.
"I’m not talking to anyone else."
Maybe this person you just met really isn't seeing anyone else at the moment. But more often than not, especially when you've just started to date, people lie about this matter in order to make you feel good and move things along. They lie about this because deep down, no matter how early on in the relationship it is, there's an unspoken notion that the other person will only feel happy and special if they believe they're the only one in your life. In other words, the illusion of exclusivity is flattering, which is why this lie is so common.
“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever been with.”
It's not that you aren't beautiful, but this line lacks originality and depth. It’s as vague and empty sounding as saying “flowers are beautiful,” but many people say it because (once again) they think it'll make us feel flattered. Let’s say you are indeed the most beautiful person they have ever been with. Then, allow their actions to speak for themselves and don’t take their word for it. If you really are as special as they say you are, they will treat you accordingly and make you feel happy.
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
Again, there is a possibility that this person has never been in love before or even liked someone a lot, but what are the chances of that? And why do so many people feel the need to use this line at the beginning of a relationship? Sure, if you're 15 years old, and you don't have that much experience in the dating field, I'd believe it, but it's so much more unlikely the older you get. The reason why people say they've "never felt like this before" is because they think the other person will like hearing it, but wouldn't you prefer to hear something a little more realistic and still romantic, like: "I really like being with you," or "You're amazing"?
“I don’t text much.”
Even if this is true, there are limits. These days, texting has become the main way we communicate. This person might not like texting very much, so they don't check their phone that often, or they keep their answers short, but they have to understand that if they want to be with you and communicate, they'll have to make an effort. Always remember that if somebody is really interested in you, they’ll find a time and way to let you know they are thinking about you.
“I’m always busy.”
Sure, some people really are very busy all the time (try dating a grad student or someone with two jobs, and you'll see what I mean), and they don't have enough time to work, eat, sleep and live, let alone go on dates. However, if you've just started dating, and they tell you that they're always busy, you should take it as a sign that they don't really want to be with you. Why? Because saying you're too busy to see the other person means giving up on the relationship: it's saying "I'm not even going to try to make time for you." If they really are very busy, but still want to be with you, they'll make plans ahead of time and make sure you see each other as often as possible.
If you really like this person, you're probably going to have a hard time identifying these lies as what they are. After all, you want to be with them, and if they say something nice that makes you feel special, you're going to want to believe them. However, remember all the times you've heard these lines before, and let your experience guide you, so you don't keep falling in the same traps over and over again.
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