Dating can be very stressful and exciting at the same time. But sometimes that excitement prevents us from seeing issues that can dictate how your relationship is going to be. So, beware of those red flags!
Don’t you ever feel that the dating world is like a coin toss? For me, it feels like that but instead of having a 50/50 chance of meeting someone worthy, the coin ends up falling on the same side. I don’t think it’s a matter of there not being good matches for me, it’s just that I seem to be a magnet for messed people. It isn’t even a matter of being too selective at all, I swear, but there are some things I know I don’t want in my life. It's gotten to the point where I've developed some sort of sensor that detects even some very early red flags.
Yes, it’s normal to do our best to be seen as a good prospect when we’re on a date. We all do that. But there’s a huge difference between trying to make a good impression and actually acting like someone you’re not and showing your true colors once you’re already dating a person. For me, dating can be quite distressing when it comes to putting up with toxic people, so I keep my guard ready with that sensor to avoid awkward or painful experiences. If you’re in that situation, here are six common red flags that can appear quite soon and that you should consider to really block this person out of your life immediately.
They act differently with other people
Yeah, more than a red flag this is a huge red light titillating as a cue to run the hell out of the situation. It’s like that episode in Friends when Rachel dates Ben Stiller who is basically a sociopath who bursts in anger for whatever situation but with her, he’s really sweet and nice. These are the worst people out there, and the thing is that, since they’re generally quite nice to us, it’s hard to notice it right away. But whenever you’re dating someone new, try paying attention to how they react and socialize with others, even the servers at the restaurant, and you’ll get a glimpse of how they really are normally. Once you’ve seen it just think if this is how you want to be treated in the future.
They try to pass your boundaries even when you’ve been clear about it
I’m not talking only about physical boundaries (although if it happens don’t hesitate and block them right away) but also emotional and social. I mean there’s a lot of people who actually think that if they’re constantly pushing us we’ll eventually see it as a cute example of how much they are into us. Actually, no. That’s really creepy and if this person can’t respect the boundaries and limits you’re establishing it’s because they don’t value your opinion at all.
Their stories seem a tad unrealistic
This happens quite a lot. I mean it’s normal to change a little bit some of our stories to make us seem more interesting, after all, we all want to leave a nice impression on the person we’re dating. However, there are limits and some people really turn into fantasy authors when narrating their stories, that at the end of the day only proves that they’re not that interesting at all or that they are actually hiding something from us. I’d be more cautious if the stories they’re telling you don’t sound that realistic.
They want to get formal quite soon
Oh my god! Am I the only one who believes this is absolutely creepy? I understand it if you’re actually dating someone you’ve met a long time ago and you know each other well. But if you’ve just met this person and they claim they’ve fallen so fast and want a formal relationship, I’d really question their emotional stability. Which takes me to the next point.
They don’t seem to be emotionally stable
We all have issues to deal with. I mean we’re not perfect at all but I do think that in order to start a healthy relationship both parts must be in an emotionally stable place, if not, it’s most likely to fail horribly in the best case scenario or turn into a toxic relationship. Sometimes this is really evident, others they actually tell you they’re not in the best place but still want to try, and many other times you can only notice it through small clues they drop in conversation. One that’s really clear and that should make you question if dealing with this is worth it, is when they claim that all their exes are crazy or have an issue. I mean, one can’t be that unlucky in relationships to only date “crazy” people, so most likely this person is the one with serious issues.
They are very dramatic
Last but not least, dramatism. I can’t stand dramatic people. By dramatic, I mean those who react to random things in a really exaggerated way. I mean come on! So, the Uber driver was five minutes late, so what? That’s not only being too extra while negatively reacting to stuff, it also counts those who after one date, fall madly in love with you and want to spend all the time with you and won’t let you breathe for a minute. That includes sending cheesy texts all day, asking where you are and what you’re doing all the time, and basically being extremely needy (and annoying if you ask me).
Now, while listing these red flags, I noticed certain sarcasm and negativity in me, and perhaps it’s true. But believe me after encountering this type of people so often, one becomes a cynic. What's true is that sometimes we become extremely judgemental with people but fail to see the flaws we might have. So, although I still recommend you to be well aware of these signs when dating someone new, I also advise you to make a self-analysis on you and see how can you change those flaws you might have. At the end of the day, I do believe that relationships are a matter of balance in all ways.
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Photos by @geschichtenvonsimon