There is nothing more pathetic than needing another person to feel whole. I said that to a coworker who I thought was my best friend. I said it to my aunts and my mom. I believe there’s some sort of childhood horror that comes to the minds of men and women who believe being single is an eternal sentence of suffering and despair.
Society –in the form of family, friends, and acquaintances– feels the need to treat this problem as if it was a disease. They stage a sort of intervention where every hang-up is thrown at you with the intent of finding a cure. In an attempt at creating a solution, it’s not long before you start hearing things like, “There’s this great guy I work with”, “My friend’s son just finished his MBA”, or even “I hope you don’t mind I gave your number to...”
It’s not that they don’t mean well, because they do. It’s the fact that they all want to present themselves as part of the perfect relationship. Like this is their gift to you, to have you join in on the bliss of buying the fairytale.
Single does not mean alone
The worst thing you can do is believe that this is a transitional state you need to exit as soon as possible and no matter what. Stop believing the lie that you’re incomplete if you’re unattached. Your happiness and sense of fulfillment comes from you alone.
Be open to meeting new people
Regardless of the situation or moment, don’t stop being who you are. Don’t stop yourself from meeting new people you find interesting. Open your horizons to discover different perspectives. This will help you grow as a person while gaining new friends.
Make the most out of your single life
Plenty of women agree that there’s nothing quite like being single. You can use all that time for yourself, for your personal, intellectual, and professional development. Try that one thing you always wanted to do. Take care of yourself. Date as many people as you want. Have the casual sex you’d always been afraid to try. Catch up with people you haven’t seen in a while.
If your girlfriends ask you for a night out and all of them bring their partners, don’t fall into the trap of feeling like the odd one. If you want to go, don’t stop yourself just because you’re “on your own.” Go, have fun; there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Make some single friends
Take care of your friendships. Find others who are in the same boat as you. You might be able to get together for an activity such as going to the gym or planning girls’ weekend. Become each other’s support system and so realize there’s nothing wrong with taking some time by yourself.
Don’t fall into self-pity
What you say about yourself is a reflection of what’s going on in your mind, as well as the impression you give to others. If you go out for drinks and start talking about how lonely you are, you’ll only attract negativity into your life. Prove yourself as a full woman who does not need of anyone else to be happy.
Being in a relationship or not being in one is tough. We need to learn to extricate ourselves from this idea that another person can save us or turn us into complete beings. Learn why we become obsessed with the one who broke up with us or the difference between love and obsession.
Translated by María Suárez