Do you remember the first time you fell in love? You felt light and ready to give it all, but like all good stories, it came to a swift end. Your heart was broken, and you felt like your feet beyond being planted to the ground began to sink into quicksands. The struggle to release yourself from this dreary pit was exhausting, but you made it out, feeling wiser and disappointed. We don't want to wallow in self pity or recriminations, but rather, look at these relationships with an open heart so we can gain valuable lessons.
Why do women continue to fall for jerks? Are they afraid of loneliness or unable to build their own self-worth? It makes us wonder if people base their own self value on what other people think and do. These relationships with toxic and damaging people may leave bitter scars but also teach us how we're better off alone than in a company of a jerk.
So in case you're ready to read some brutally honest truths, you'll find below experiences of different women who have dated jerks and learned lessons the hard way.
1. Friends and family told me I was being mistreated by my partner, but I just wouldn't listen to them
"I have to admit it. I made some really bad decisions when I was in that relationship. But every time someone would complain about what a complete asshole he was, I wouldn't listen. I was capriciously infatuated with an alcoholic man."
2. To be respected, you have to respect yourself first
"I used to be the girlfriend of an aggressive man who would made me feel worthless anytime he could find the opportunity. After every time we had sex, he would compare me with other women, but one day, he called me a prostitute and that felt like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown in my face. I woke up and that was it. If I could turn back time, I would slap him in the face."
3. Any guy must first earn your trust
"Once I had the brilliant idea to share with the guy I was dating some personal details about my past relationships. The next day —literally— he and his friends were poking fun at me and telling jokes about what I hold him in confidence."
4. To build your self-worth, you have to learn to embrace your defects. Nobody is perfect. If someone truly cares about you, they'll accept your quirks and help you become a better person
"I learned the difference between a gentleman and a jerk the hard way: a gentleman will always be around to know how you're doing, feel proud of your achievements and of what you want to achieve. A jerk just cares about his own well-being and getting what he wants from others."
5. Relationships are a give and take. You must only commit to someone if they are willing to do the same
"For a jerk, every relationship is a game. They won't take anything or anyone seriously, they just want to have fun until they get bored and decide to look for someone else."
6. A jerk will say anything to boost their ego. To ignore him is the most graceful way to deal with the situation. He'll notice he's irrelevant to you.
"He used to brag to his friend that he had done all sorts of things with me just to feel good about himself."
7. A relationship can only be meaningful and respectful if both of you set rules and apply them equally.
"He was my fuck buddie for a while. Everything was going just fine, but he got to the point where he would treat me like a sexual object. I knew that in a way we both were in the same category, but he hadn't even said "hello" before slipping his hand into my pants!"
8. Talk about difficult matters to solve problems together. Communication is crucial
"When you get disappointed by your partner you enter into a state of denial. You refuse to see the bad side of him because you want to stay with him. But there is nothing worse than that. If you don't talk to him and hold him accountable for his actions, he will continue to do whatever the hell he wants, until you can't take the situation anymore...and you have to dump him."
9. Getting to know a person takes time, and there's no need to hurry. Things are most valuable when they're built with time and effort.
"To date a jerk is like being hungry, and taking anything you see first in the supermarket".
10. You have no need to be in his waiting list.
"If he is used to dating a lot of girls just for the hell of it, for the adventure, or to see which one is better, just walk away! You don't deserve such a disrespectful and cynical treatment."
If you related to one or more of these situation, you probably need to walk away. His opinion isn't important if he doesn't take yours into account either.
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